Everybody's seen Animal House.
But not in person at Columbia.
There is a popular college poster that features a classy looking guy from the 1950s with a plastic smile and a mug of beer in his hand. The poster says, "Beer. Making ugly people have sex since 1862!"
Some say the coming together of sex and beer on a poster is a foreshadowing of future college pursuits. Others dismiss that claim as philistine behavior stereotyped onto college students who aren't old enough to drink and aren't foolish enough to have inebriated sex.
Whichever side of that spectrum you may fall, vice--from alcohol to drugs to tobacco--is part of college life.
Anybody who's seen Animal House knows that.
But Columbia is different. Neither Columbia nor Barnard is known for its parties, and many students have pointed to policies like alcohol being allowed in rooms but not in suite lounges as attempts by the administrations to discourage parties.
But the schools are located in the middle of New York City.
A few years ago, the Columbia University administration hired an outside public relations firm and produced its new name: "Columbia University in the City of New York."
Indeed, many students come to Columbia and Barnard because of the schools' location in Morningside Heights, a community essentially created by Columbia that exists between West Harlem and the Upper West Side.
You can do anything you want to do in New York, from the Yankees to fifty-cent hot dogs, from Broadway to SoHo.
Who needs an on-campus life when you have New York, right?
Well, it's not that simple. Recent physical efforts like the $85 million Alfred Lerner Hall to improve on-campus life are perhaps proof that many Columbia and Barnard students want a social life inside the gates. People who want to live in the Village, after all, go to school at NYU.
So that leaves us with Morningside Heights, a community in which Columbia is the biggest landowner and largest presence.
You will first no doubt be inundated by invitations to fraternity parties, where the crowds will be young, the beer will be cheap, and the alcohol will run out.
There are the local bars. The West End, the old school Columbia bar your father and grandfather visited, seems to remain the first-year bar of choice. It also seems to be the bar of choice to hate after your first year.
There's AmCaf, where the music is better; 1020, which is a bit darker and mysterious and tends to attract an older croud; SoHa, which has a pool table, couches, and graduate students; Cannon's, characterized best as a late-night sports bar; and Abbey Pub, for a more quiet and intimate late night cocktail.
But can you get in?
"There's so many places here, where it's no ID no problem," said one senior who knows bartenders and bouncers at 1020 and SoHa by name.
He continued, saying that if you have a fake ID, it "doesn't have to be good; just have something, and you'll get in."
As for in-house drinking, check with your resident adviser. Some RAs will turn a blind eye while some will come knock on your door if there are more than two people in your room. Carman and John Jay are dry dormitories; Hartley, Wallach, and all Barnard dorms are not, although your RA knows how old you are if you live on a floor with people in multiple classes.
But some words from the wise, a former resident adviser: "It's just so obvious when kids come back with bags from Westside Market that they have beer," he said.
"But if you're discreet about it, nobody would ever know."
Same goes for drugs, he said. Just don't have your fan pointing toward the door when your RA opens it.
As for parties, there aren't too many non-Greek parties available to first-years. If you can get yourself invited to an upperclassman's suite for a party, all the power to you. But if you aren't invited to one and you are anti-Greek, stick with the bars.
As for drugs, marijuana is the most commonly used on campus.
You're in New York, so you can pretty much get anything you could ever imagine (check Amsterdam and 109th streets).
But on campus, alcohol runs deep and pot is readily accessible.
As for cigarettes and tobacco, everybody picks up smoking their first-year, quits once, picks it up again, and then quits sometime next year.
Okay, not everybody. It just seems like everybody.
Both Columbia and Barnard have recently banned all smoking in first-year dorms (used to be odd floors on both sides of the street), so just find your favorite spot outside Carman or Butler.
And surrounding you is New York and its endless list of hotspots. Buy a case of Bud Light at Rite-Aid for $18, or buy a Martini downtown for $10 or so. Just have some fun.
For vice of the amorous variety, Columbia has plenty of channels to make sure you play it safe.
Columbia hosts one of the nation's leading health question and answer website, Alice!, known for its liberal attitudes and true desire to help people.
Anyone from Columbia students to adults in the Midwest can write in and get a response to a question.
This week, for example, one person writes about morning breath problems.
Antoher, labeling himself "Back for More," asks how to decrease the time between ejaculation and second erection. Alice!