Style for President

So I'm guessing that by now everyone's heard that Madonna is engaged to the fetching young, semi-famous Brit director Guy Ritchie. A logical move for Madonna, seeing as she is nearly menopausal and Ritchie is the father of her second child. When the news broke last week, in the wake of Madonna's country-western, Dolce & Gabanna-inspired performance at Roseland on Nov. 5, I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed because, like many Material Girl fans, I had long harbored hopes of marrying Madonna myself. Although her career of late has been marred by several unseemly choices (we'll say that American Pie and The Next Best Thing were slight lapses in judgment), I am still crazy for the woman who danced amid burning crosses in a black lace negligee. Madonna's blatant cultural appropriation and sometimes thoughtless self-promotion aside, this girl is a hardy fashion loyalist who has done more for my wardrobe than nearly anyone. Now, at the doorstep of her new life as a British school-mom, I have to wonder: What is she wearing to the wedding?

Rumor has it that the Roman via Miami, Donatella Versace, is being commissioned to outfit Madonna for her walk down the aisle. This is sad news to my ears. Yes, Donatella has a knack for sequins and legs and breasts and Hollywood and fried peroxide hair, but now Versace is so Elizabeth Hurley, so Jennifer Lopez, so tainted. In my dreams, Madonna glides down the aisle in vintage Charles James with satin and tulle sweeping around her like winds of a storm. For that matrimonial moment she glows in a light of Victorian decadence, resurrecting the primness and repose of a salonette. How pre-WWII! Alas, this will never happen, and Madonna will be the pop star that she is in a shimmering white, pearl-encrusted Versace corset. I will make do.

Not to get too E! on you, but, because I'm already on the topic of personalities and their wardrobes, I have to give a thumbs up to Ginia Bellafante and Guy Trebay's article in last Tuesday's Times about the fashion woes of Al Gore and George W. Bush. Bellafante and Trebay chastised Vice President Gore for his flagrant fashion no-nos over the past week. In this particularly tenuous waiting period, when both men are on display, posturing as would-be Presidents, there is no room for a lack of style confidence. Gore, who has been turning up in cable-knit sweaters playing football with his son and black legging jogging suits, is in dire need of help. He needs a stylist, and quick. Bush, on the other hand, who looks so much like his poppa that he needs a dog tag to be distinguished, is unhappily casual and dopey, bordering on seersucker doom. I agree with Bellafante and Trebay, these presidential wannabes need to take lessons from Hillary Clinton, who stepped up her wardrobe in the times when it counted most. Girl is taking her six black pantsuits all the way to the Senate.

I suggest quick fixes for these prezzie posers. G.W. Bush looks like a Tommy Hilfiger chap to me, someone who is comfortable being cheesy. Plaid would look good on him, and it might make him look a little bit more … complex. And Gore is definitely Ralph Lauren, 100 percent. He should call Ralph and score some major blue suit action. Why hasn't he already? That's what I want to know. Is that accepting illegal campaign contributions? Di did it, why can't Al and GWB? If America were more concerned about how their leaders looked, then maybe we would have some more solid candidates. To me, if you are wearing Comme des Garcons, doesn't that just scream pro-choice, liberal social policy, funding for the arts, social security, national health care, and more? After all, what you are wearing says almost as much about you as what you say yourself. Fashion is political.

Next election there should be a segment in the debates about the fashion shows. This would give the public a real idea of what kind of President they'd be electing. In eight years it might even go something like this:

"Mrs. Clinton, as a former Senator from New York State, how do you feel about last evening's Chanel ready-to-wear show? How would it affect your appearance in future affairs of state?"

"Well, Mr. Moderator, I feel like a million bucks in Chanel. If anything, I'd be looking like Coco in the Blue room every Sunday night. You can bet no one will mess with the U.S. when I've got my trusty quilted logo bag in purple embossed suede at my side."