Not as Think as You Drunk I Am ...

William Blake said "The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom." Maybe Tom Waits put it better with the words: "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy." Is it coincidence that a bottle has been behind the back--or proudly displayed in front, as the case may be--of so many great intellectuals? Maybe there is a subtle exchange going on here: bodily pain for mental enhancement (which would cast Saturday night carousing along Broadway in a totally new light). Well, it's true that alcohol has a way of expanding one's outlook (namely when one is going cross-eyed), but as to its role in catalyzing genius, it probably only works when the initial materials are present. As to the presence of said materials, there's really only one way to find out. Here's a brief rundown of the Morningside Heights bars to get you started.

The West End
114th and Broadway

"Where Columbia had its first beer." The slogan says it all when it comes to this ample Broadway bar and grill. With enough space to fit your entire class and with enough beer specials get all of them drunk, it's easy to see why this place is so popular. The haunt of Columbia's most famous football player--Jack Kerouac--the 'Stend is a favorite of athletes and first-years. Expect to wait up to half an hour for entry on a busy Saturday night. Not to be written off, however, the West End serves a great burger, has regular punk showcases in the basement, and generally can't be beat when it comes to bumping into Lit Hum classmates.

Nacho's Kitchen
113th and Broadway

Latin theme aside, this is essentially another West End, except more cramped and expensive. Expect to see it virtually empty at all times but Happy Hour, when it's been known to get pretty rowdy. With beer goggles on, the palm fronds and generic house music actually make a pretty satisfying combination.

The Heights
112th and Broadway

Named for its unorthodox location above Somad's Grocery, this tiny bar takes the ribbon for best margarita. Machine-dispensed and available in raspberry, strawberry, peach, mango, pineapple, black currant, and traditional, two of these babies will knock you clear into tomorrow evening--which makes getting down the stairs pretty interesting. What's more, the menu serves up surprisingly gourmet meals at reasonable prices, there's a roof deck open during the summer months, and a 16 oz. margarita is only $3 at Happy Hour.

Cannon's
108th and Broadway

With "the game" visible from nearly every vantage point, this sports bar serves a specific niche in the Columbia community, and serves it well. Expect to be obliged should you demand green beer on St. Patrick's Day.

The Abbey Pub
105th, off of Broadway

The closest thing to an authentic Irish pub in Morningside Heights, this relaxed bar is a great place to bring a group of friends for a drink--or a cast party, as the trend seems to be. A sit-down bar, its waitresses are friendly and often willing to turn a blind eye should you show up without I.D.

Amsterdam Café
119th and Amsterdam

Amsterdam's version of the bar and grill, Am Caf offers good food, better drink specials, and a bouncer in a zoot suit with matching hat. Beware of Columbia rugby's post-game parties, where players who score the game-winning goal have been known to "shoot the boot."

1020
110th and Amsterdam

1020 is probably hipper than you, but that's okay. With WPA-inspired industrial murals, indie rock and hip hop on the stereo, and an enormous screen projecting campy '70s sitcoms and B-rate movies on the back wall at all times, the atmosphere is quirky and fun. Also boasting the neighborhood's only regulation-size pool table and the friendliest bartenders, this place draws big crowds, especially in the later hours (it's open until 4 a.m.). Overrun by Columbia students in recent years, bar-goers looking for a more authentic (and less sweaty) neighborhood experience had best head down the street to Night Café.

Sip
109th and Amsterdam

Mostly frequented by grad students, this dark and trendy lounge is decidedly Euro in music and attitude--meaning pretentious and over-priced.

Saints
109th and Amsterdam

Morningside's only gay bar, this place is worth a visit for the reasonable drinks, decent dance music, and open-minded atmosphere.

SoHa
109th and Amsterdam

Many a Columbia girl has been lured into dancing on the bar for free shots at this notoriously seedy dive, once frequented, oddly enough, by PJ Harvey. And while it's easy to pass judgement, the gravitational pull of that bar in the dimly lit cavern that is SoHa, when under the influence of friends and tequila, is a force to be reckoned with. It's also one of the few places in Morningside to get one's dance on. Worth visiting if merely for novelty value.

Night Café
107th and Amsterdam

A little rough around the edges, this is one of the few bars in Morningside yet to be invaded by Columbia students. But with the hands-down best jukebox in the neighborhood (where you can find Bob Dylan's Desire next to an LL Cool J album), its only other pool table (albeit an abbreviated one), and good drink specials, Night Café is a hidden treasure.

The Ding Dong Lounge
106th and Columbus

This bar is definitely hipper than you. A throwback to the British New Wave/punk scene of the 1980s, it boasts an impressive collection of concert posters (as well as a hula hoop) festooning the exposed brick walls, an overturned Pac Man machine serving as a table, and an extremely uncomfortable leather couch.

Depending on the night, you'll also find Brit pop, drum 'n' bass, and even bluegrass being spun. A bit of a hike, but this lounge, newly-expanded, is worth the trip.