Four Things That Need to Be Addressed

I really like The Simpsons. I always have.

Thus, when a column of mine fell through this week (I admit it was my fault; I didn't get on top of it soon enough), I was brought back to my favorite episode.

No, not Flamin' Moe's, not the one where Bart meets Michael Jackson, not the one where Homer goes into outer space. The one I am talking about is called "22 Short Films of Springfield." A takeoff of François Girard's Thirty-Two Short Films About Glenn Gould, the episode is an amalgam of quick stories about the people of Springfield.

So, lacking a solid topic I can develop in a complete column--come back for my next installment in two weeks--I present to you the Four Short Columns of Dan Fastenberg:
1. Of all schools to select to play for homecoming, why did we choose Penn? What side of the ball is the athletics department on, anyway? Granted, Penn is a league rival and a contentious foe, but it seems to me to be counterintuitive to pick the best team in the league to play on our homecoming weekend. There is no doubt about the fact that Shoop and his team wanted to win this year. Shoop even went out on a limb and boldly predicted a Lion victory. Well, it wasn't close, and frankly, despite all possible efforts the Lions could have put forth, it was not going to be close. Penn is just playing--and has been playing for years--on a different level than us.

In truth, there is probably not a team in the league that we know we can handily defeat on any given occasion. That team, clearly, would be the optimal choice for a homecoming opponent. But that's not the point. On this homecoming--this very special 250th homecoming--the least we could have done was choose a team that we could even play with. I was not able to attend the game (sorry!), but my friends told me that a lot of people did. But they also went on to say that because of the nature of the game, a lot of people left early.

It seems that this school really does like to shoot itself in the foot. Why not play a team we know we can play with on homecoming so the fans can stay and feel good about Columbia?

2. Were you really prepared for a Lion win this past weekend? No doubt a third win and a 2-0 record in the Ivy League would have done much to start to shed Columbia football of its reputation. But I don't know if the residents of Morningside Heights were elated at the thought of becoming fans of a winning team. It seems cynicism runs all too naturally through these waters, and the student body would be more at a loss than filled with big plans for a real winning team. Hopefully, my dose of cynicism is not right; we will find out one of these years.

3. Enough about football. I have heard enough about predictions, two-game winning streaks, the first win since FDR was president. You probably have too. We have 30 varsity teams here, and, by all accounts, the wins and losses of the men's basketball team and football team seem to be the only things considered in determining Columbia's athletic prowess.

Thus, with those two teams languishing in recent years, it seems too easy to write off Columbia. Yes, they are getting better and making improvements. But shouldn't more attention be paid to other programs? I was brusquely reminded of this when I was talking to Marc DeRose, head coach of the lightweight crew team. DeRose was fairly angry about the lack of attention given to his team, which placed second in the nation this past summer. Who knew? Surely, more attention must be paid to successful teams both on these pages and in campus dialogue.

4. There has been an argument growing among the pickers for Spectator's Pixbox. As you may or may not have noticed, we always pick for Ivy League games. But there has been a growing West Coast sentiment to curb this tradition and pick for only professional and I-A games. The argument is that no one really cares about Ivy games. It seems to me that this could not be further from the truth. There is a real, conscious awareness of Ivy League athletics among Lion boosters who not only keep an eye on what's going on in Morningside Heights, but also on the rest of the Ancient Eight. In other words, the flames of Ivy League rivalry are alive and well.

So there you have it. Hope you tune in next time.