Don't Want to Meet Your Mama--Just Want to Make You Watch-a

Did you know that Columbia offers classes at 8:45 a.m.? Now you do: I take one every morning, Monday through Thursday, for an elementary language class. I'm totally devoted to the class (I'm totally pass/failing it, actually), but at least getting up that early lets me do something that few people ever get to do: watch some real music videos. Complain all you want about MTV and VH1 never showing videos; if you suckers get up at 7 or 8, you'll be able to watch at least two hours' worth of real music videos.

Why do I keep on saying "real music videos"? Because when I was a junior or senior in high school, MTV redefined the proper length of a video for the purpose of giving its latest and greatest show, Total Request Live, enough time to show the Naked Cowboy prance around midtown. Songs were ungraciously cut in half, and since then, I didn't think that MTV had changed. Lo and behold, once I discovered MTV At Dawn (my term for my music video time), I learned that the main music channel still had the dignity to show videos in their entirety.

It seems to me that VH1 has become even worse than MTV lately, what with its incredible number of shows dominated by wallflower critics, editors, actors, and comedians commenting on everything from 80's Julia Roberts movies, to how many diamond-encrusted chihuahuas Nicky and Paris Hilton can buy with their father's money. Back in the nineties, VH1 prided itself on not showing rap videos. Now, as part of their humongous hipster sellout, they've started showing videos by Outkast, Beyoncé, Beyoncé and Sean Paul, Beyoncé and Jay-Z, and Jay-Z videos. Not that this is a bad thing--it's just very weird seeing these videos on what used to be the old folks' music network. But while showing these videos kind of puts VH1 in the clear, the fact that MTV has a whole extra hour of videos in the morning undermines any integrity that VH1 thought they gained by showing "Hey Ya" every five seconds.

Not that watching "Hey Ya" every five seconds is a bad thing. It's the best track on Outkast's Speakerboxx/The Love Below double album (however, let me say, Big Boi, you're my man, you made the better album, fo' real). The video is equally good, as the hand-shaking Love Haters gyrate alongside women armed with Polaroid cameras. What makes this video so great is that, visually, it moves just as quickly as the song: each shot covers one (or three) of seven Andre 3000s as each character moves frantically around the video, or sits quietly. Essentially, it's the song that makes the video worth watching, but seeing Andre in so many get-ups is pretty fun, too.

If you don't have a TV and/or cable, it might be worth it just to watch the video for the Darkness' "I Believe in a Thing Called Love." Any band that riffs off of Queen for inspiration is already great in my book: lead singer Justin Hawkins, his flowing bodysuit à la Freddy Mercury, and his incredibly bad teeth stream through a spaceship inhabited by fuzzy creatures (who double as towels) and blurred-out images of couples in coitus. This time, the song is made amazing by the video. As Hawkins's hair flows, it emphasizes the power of the song's many guitar solos. Clichéd metaphor, you say? I'll take it--I'll always welcome a dose of Queen, especially early in the morning.