Gorging for the Gold

To the uninitiated, an International Federation of Competitive Eating "bib sheet" may seem to record simply absurd information. Fifty and one half, 12, 132--these are, respectively, the number of hot dogs consumed by, the minutes it took, and the weight of the man who did the eating. The numbers may be hard to digest, but they represent the inhuman feat of digestion accomplished by the current shining star of the competitive eating world, Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi.

This week when Columbia students engage in a Koronets-contest and a 2-liter chug-off--both part of the newly enhanced Columbia College Days--they take their places in a long lineage of competitive eaters. As the IFOCE Web site puts it, "If you have 30 hungry Neanderthals in a cave and rabbit walks in, that is a competitive eating situation." Thousands of years later, as representatives of higher learning, Columbia eaters might wonder how far we've really come.

The answer, according to IFOCE, is far indeed--and the numbers don't lie. Competitors in Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest, held yearly since 1916, have bested one another year after year. Until 1991, a Brooklyn carnival worker named Peter Washburne held the record of 18.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. The last American to hold the record was Edward Krachie, whose 22.5 hot dogs seemed unbeatable until a surge of Japanese competition knocked him from the podium. Most recently, the aforementioned 24-year-old Kobayashi took the mustard-yellow belt, nearly doubling a previous record set by a fellow countryman.

Kobayashi also holds the record for--finish chewing then read on--number of Cow Brains (15, or 17.7 pounds) consumed in fifteen minutes. Other tournaments on the IFOCE circuit include a Jewish-grandmother-friendly Matzo Ball eating contest, a pickled quail egg eating contest held in Texas, and contests involving bratwurst, conch fritters, and pelmeni--a type of dumpling rumored to have originated in Siberia. The IFOCE Web site suggests that this is a result of competitive eating's international appeal: "Nations that have now embraced the sport include Canada, Germany, Thailand, England, Russia, and Scotland." Comparing this list to our "coalition of the willing" can seriously undermine your confidence in our government.

Studying the world of competitive eating can, however, bolster your confidence in women's rights. Fourth-ranked Sonya Thomas is a 36-year-old, 105-pound female who has eaten 134 Chicken wings in 12 minutes, and--get this--nearly 8 pounds of Turducken (a chicken in a duck in a turkey) in 12 minutes. Fellas head south, because, as IFOCE tells us, "Sonya is single and lives in Alexandria, VA."

Fortunately, some benefit does come from these eating contests. IFOCE partners with America's 2nd Harvest, an organization with a "Food Wasted Counter" on their Web site continuously tallying the nearly 24,000,000,000 pounds of food wasted this year. Whoever saw the embodiment of this charity's mission (to create a "hunger-free America") in an eating contest, must have had a sick sense of humor. Yet last year, the Matzoh Ball eating contest, sponsored by Ben's Kosher Deli in Manhattan, raised close to $14,000 for charity. And, if you're wondering, 395-pound Eric "Badlands" Booker, took the prize: a gold cup filled with matzoh balls, emblazoned with the words, "I had a ball."