All liquors have personalities. Vodka, depending on the distillation grade, is either your suave, icy socialite or your rowdy Baltic longshoreman. Rum is your fun-loving islander who dances into the night and walks away with the women. Gin is your stuffy British professor, a smart guy but a bit of a bore. Whiskey... whiskey is-there's only one word for it-a total badass. Whiskey is your American cowboy shitkicker, your red-faced Irish pub brawler, your ticket to a good fucking night.
With all that said, with whiskey practically being lauded as the be-all, end-all of masculine libations, you'd think the drink would have a bigger following. But sadly, a great cowardly many out there profess to have had "bad experiences" with whiskey. And there are some sniveling wretches that go even further, claiming to "not like the taste." These people are thoroughly misguided and should not even be pitied, only stoned or banished.
Now, there exists a more redeemable class, a class of people who will drink whiskey on occasion, but who truly fear it. A man of this sort only drinks whiskey after he is already far drunk, only then has he amassed the courage necessary to swallow this most fearsome and exultant of liquors. This man, often wearing a shirt with Greek lettering on it, will take a shot of whiskey and down it as though it were rat piss.
Admittedly, this is better than not drinking whiskey at all. But the drink deserves more homage than a quick, pained shot on top of a dozen beers. Whiskey calls to be savored, it calls to be put on the rocks or served straight up (though, the taste can be so overwhelming when served undiluted that you run the risk of not really tasting it at all). Moreover, don't insult whiskey by drinking it after you're already drunk, after the taste of stale, frothy beer has taken up a permanent residence in your mouth. Whiskey should be your first drink.
If you fit into either of the two aforementioned categories, you probably aren't planning on taking up whiskey as your drink of choice. But, should you ever decide to embrace this nectar of the gods, you'll benefit from reading on.
Being a true whiskey-phile myself, I endeavored to review a number of my favorites from across the whiskey spectrum. This taste test was administered more professionally than you probably suppose. Two representative brands from each class of whiskey (bourbon, scotch and plain old whiskey) went head to head with each other last night.
Jim Beam and Evan Williams contended for the prize of top bourbon. Beam was more flavorful, with a distinct woody, vanilla taste, heightened by an underlying bitterness. Williams did have its charm; it was a quieter bourbon, less spirited but admittedly smoother. In the end, Beam was stronger and left a more lasting impression. Round goes to Beam.
The next round pitted two straight whiskeys against each other, Canadian Club and Jack Daniels. Now, this round was severely handicapped by my inability to find two straight whiskeys of more similar type. Club, a Canadian whiskey, and ol' #7, hailing from magical distilleries in Tennessee, have very different tastes and there truly is no fair comparison. With that in mind, I bring you an unfair comparison. Club is smooth. That I want to stress. If you want to ease yourself into whiskey, Club is your ticket. Club is subtle and vaguely fruity. Jack, on the other hand, is anything but. This bucking bronco of a whiskey is sweet and smokey. It tastes of caramel and spice, with a woodiness that seems to bring you back to the days of street corner fights and steam engines. Sorry Club, but you lost this match before you even stepped in the ring.
Finally, we come to Scotch. Let it be known that Scotch is my least favorite type of whiskey. It lacks the smokey taste of both bourbon and straight whiskey. Instead, it's vaguely perfumey. Its taste is somewhat oily. That being said, Scotch is still a whiskey and certainly tastes better than those other liquors out there. For this round I brought Johnny Walker Black in to do battle against Dewar's. Truly, this is a even ground. Both are Scotch of relatively equal price and repute, Dewar's and Johnny Black had a real old fashioned streetfight on their hands. Though Johnny Black had an absolutely unrivaled smokiness, Dewar's stole the day with its perfect balance of sweet and dry.
To recap: Jim Beam over Evan Williams, Jack Daniels over Canadian Club, and Dewar's over Johnny Walker Black. The decisions weren't always easy. Then again, easy isn't a word a true whiskey drinker should have in his vocabulary. Take from this review what you will and proceed assuredly into your next bumper of whiskey. It's an intimidating beverage, but somebody has to drink it.
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