Sports Columnist Gives A & E a Try

At halftime, it all seemed to be going so well.

Playing in front of a national audience for the first time since Duke mauled them for fun last year, 86-43, in Durham, N.C., the Columbia men’s basketball team was once again facing a national powerhouse on ESPN. This time it was 2007 NCAA Tournament runner-up Ohio State. And, after overcoming some early stage fright, the Lions were actually in the game, only trailing by seven, 33-26.

So one of ESPN’s studio pundits had a compliment for the Lions. “The truth is, Ohio State should be killing them,” he said. “But they’re not.”

As color commentator Stephen Bardo added coming out of the half-time commercial break, Columbia’s strategy was “controlled chaos.” For those of you who didn’t see the game, that meant, “The Lions are doing a good job of containing Ohio State’s physical prowess by employing a zone defense and shooting from range.”

Naturally, most of the commentary revolved around Ohio State, in what announcers Bardo and Dave Barnett said felt like “an NCAA tournament first-round game.” But when they got around to discussing Columbia, they produced some true gems.
When the Lions found their rhythm midway through the first half and strung together a pair of slick passing moves—“hot-potato action” was the technical jargon from Bardo—Ben Nwachukwu was the only Columbia player lagging in the low post. The announcers’ assessment: “He’s a little limited mobility-wise.”

So that would make me bad at basketball because I’m inhibited jumping-wise.
When senior forward Mack Montgomery spurred on the Lions early in the second half, Bardo said he was “doing his best impression of Biggie Smalls, the activator, getting this party started.” The reference was lost on me, but perhaps some of you understood it—answers on a postcard, please. As for evaluating the quality of the comparison, Mr. Smalls could not be reached for comment.

But the moment of Columbia pride for all the fans watching in Morningside Heights came near the end of the first period. Followers of college basketball are used to seeing the Floridas and Georgetowns of the world, throwing in the odd George Mason or Creighton—not teams from the Ivy League like Columbia. It seemed reasonable, then, for ESPN to provide the average viewer with a little background on the school which is “a bit older than most D-I programs.”

They proceeded to pull up a graphic of notable alumni that listed Alexander Hamilton, Barack Obama, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Theodore Roosevelt, Alan Greenspan, Art Garfunkel, J.D. Salinger, Lou Gehrig, and Sandy Koufax.
I must say that I applaud ESPN’s research efforts.

They successfully found four people who actually completed a degree at Columbia: Barack Obama, who tries harder every day to expunge this place from his past and associate with Harvard; Art Garfunkel, “an architecture major before the whole singing thing took over,” according to Barnett; Sandy Koufax, who eventually graduated from the School of General Studies; and Alexander Hamilton—no problem there.

And to Bardo and Barnett’s credit, they nailed every name on the Columbia roster, even adding a little something to Joe Bova by calling him Joseph. So while the game received a mixed review from this television critic, Columbia deserves some praise for a mature performance that has erased any fears head coach Joe Jones might have had after the Lions’ mediocre showing last week against Fordham.

Giving the NCAA Tournament runners-up a real run for their money for 30 minutes of basketball means that this may not the last time this season that it will all seem to be going well.

Joshua Robinson is a Columbia College senior majoring in history.
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