The Dating Lame

Over a posh Upper East Side brunch, I recently checked in on “Gina,” my bgf (best girl friend), about her journeys of lust and love. She had recently had a not-so-happy ending to a three-month fling with a personal trainer (nice work), which resulted in a lack of phone calls and communication (on his part, of course). The startling piece of news she received as a finale was enough to send someone into a loveless seizure. He informed her that they were “not dating.” Wow! Not dating? I had thought she remained well-informed of the goings in her life, but seriously? After months of traveling, sleepovers, movies, dinners, and meeting family members, she thought it was safe to say that there was some dating involved in this equation. Did we miss something here? Why was she the last one to know her own relationship status?

Over the years, I have met a lot of people. I have had a lot of conversations and heard a lot about other relationships, but this came as a surprise. Has the entire idea of dating gone out the window? Has communication between two individuals dwindled so much that they can’t agree on where they stand? As life gets newer, faster, better, and stronger, maybe our impatient views have bled off of the relationship canvas, painting a larger picture that some people, myself and Gina included, can’t seem to see. Perhaps this canvas, once boasting hues of simplicity and romance, has expanded to a wider frame to suit the attention spans of ADD adults. It has become impossible to find a secure match who’s willing to be on the same playing field.

So what is the solution, Miss Gina? How can you dodge the sketchiness of these lame games to focus the attention of your potential mates and bring them back to reality? Well, a few things. Starting off with your canvas, girl! Stretching this canvas over a strong, solid frame is imperative. There is nothing wrong with laying down some ground rules at the beginning of a relationship. Keep it straightforward and to the point (you don’t want to scare them off, after all). Think about it. It’s kind of like the brunch over which we had this discussion (when she ordered her food, she got everything on the side)! Gina, this was one meal of one day of your life. If you can be so picky about what you put in your body on Sunday afternoon, why can’t you do the same about what you put in your life? When beginning something new, try to make it clear to this potential other half what will and will not fly. If he isn’t man enough to handle what you have to say or isn’t adult enough to respect your views, why would you want to date him in the first place? Sticking to your guns and being clear about your expectations not only avoids drama and acts as a screening device, but it shows you’re mature, confident, and classy—attributes that are incredibly attractive.

Then there is communication. When you are with someone, you should be able to talk to him... about anything. There’s no better time than now to make a change and start voicing your opinions and feelings. This is like the paint, and we all want to create a masterpiece for our loved ones. If you suppress your feelings or keep them trapped up, you’ll find that your paint will explode and just make a big mess. No one wants a messy canvas. So, be open and rational. Your willingness to talk about your feelings and listen to his will be a grounding tool for your relationship. When you are able to open yourself up, you’ll be surprised at the good things that you can let in.

Most important, keep it simple. Stay within the boundaries of your frame. Dating is not brain surgery or rocket science. It’s not that difficult!! A good relationship isn’t work—it just works. Remember when you were young and nothing stood in the way of what you wanted? If you saw a cookie, you had to have it. There was no over-analyzing, planning tactics, or playing games—you just wanted the damn cookie! Sometimes it’s important to infuse that mind-set into your life as an adult, but not everything has to be as hard as we make it. No, you shouldn’t throw a tantrum if you don’t get what you want, but seriously... relax! Be realistic enough to know your limitations and mature enough to walk away if you’re not getting what you deserve. The only thing standing between you and your mate could be YOU. So, my dear Gina, hopefully these effortless tips can help you avoid being dumped by another un-boyfriend and encourage you to make your (love) life a real piece of art! Best of luck and next time—you’re paying.

Are YOU in need of sex/relationship advice? Ask the Gossip Boy! Send your questions and concerns to opinion@columbiaspectator.com. Next topic: MANSCAPING! What are your thoughts?

Jonathon Grant is a student in the School of General Studies majoring in English and comparative literature. Dear Jono runs alternate Fridays. Opinion@columbiaspectator.com.