Begin to Hope

I am going to talk about some topics that you may find uncomfortable: depression and suicide. Why? Because they’re things we don’t talk about even though we should. Because depression affects every single one of us—either we ourselves have felt it or someone we know has. And I’m not talking about the kids who say they’re depressed when their favorite TV show is cancelled. I’m talking about the sadness that makes it hard for us to get out of bed in the morning, the feelings of constant listlessness, the lack of interest in anything, the way it hurts to be so incredibly sad and, maybe, not know why.

I’m lucky—I’ve never suffered from clinical depression. I’ve been unhappy, sure, but for me that unhappiness expresses itself mostly through anxiety. But I’ve had too many friends tell me that they’re sleeping all the time or not at all, or that there was a time when they considered suicide, for me to be silent about it any more. Here’s the perspective of one Columbia student who battles depression: “It’s like a darkness that weighs on you. The thoughts of suicide are thoughts you know you shouldn’t have, but you can’t push out of your mind. Depression is this heavy weight on my chest, a brick I can’t get rid of. Everything I see or do gets filtered through this idea of ‘how can I use this to hurt myself.’ I want to feel better”

And yet, we don’t usually communicate our feelings to each other like that—not in the way we should. Why? Recent studies have shown that a quarter of college students have felt so depressed that daily functioning has been difficult, and nearly that many of us have thought of ending our own lives. Our silence is because many of us still regard mental health issues as taboo—because they’re psychological and, therefore, people say, the sufferer’s choice. As in, “He’s not really depressed, just lazy.” Or, “She just doesn’t know how to deal with the real world.”

That’s not true. My neuroscience professor and textbook last semester agreed that depression is heritable and genetic, although not related to one single gene. There are structural changes in the brain that result from depression, including increased activity in the frontal cortex and the amygdala. There’s also the monoamine hypothesis, which states that depression could be caused by decreased activity of certain neurotransmitters like norepinephrine and serotonin. Another theory is that depressed individuals have elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol. In other words, depression and mood disorders like bipolar types one and two are definitely not choices or weaknesses. They should be seen as diseases like any others, and there is no need for silence.

There is a growing movement to end the stigma surrounding depression, but it is not enough. Over the summer, my best friend and I participated in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk from Brooklyn through Manhattan. My friend and I made it twelve of the eighteen miles, and we saw hundreds of survivors of suicide—individuals who have dealt with depression and their families and friends and, most painfully, the families and friends of those who succeeded in taking their own lives. Though the event was not noticed by the New York media, probably because of the taboo surrounding depression, all of the walkers felt successful that night. As we walked in groups of two or 10 across the Brooklyn Bridge at sunset and along the West Side Highway a little before midnight, we were asked what we were doing, and, with each individual we talked to, the cause became that much better known.

You don’t have to walk two, 12 or even 20 miles to raise awareness about depression, mood disorders and the alternatives to suicide. Instead, you can raise awareness and erase the stigma just by listening and looking around and being willing to talk. That’s all it takes. According to the AFSP, the signs of depression are clear, and they include hopelessness, sleeplessness, a low mood that just doesn’t seem to lift, and withdrawal from activities and people the sufferer used to find enjoyable. There are ways to help alleviate depression, and I’m not just talking about Prozac. If you think you or a friend or student is suffering from depression, speak about it and try to get yourself or your friend help.

Both the Barnard and Columbia counseling centers have resources and more information. You can also go to www.apa.org, campuscalm.com or any of the Web sites listed on the counseling services’ Web sites. Depression is treatable, and happiness is possible. One way to feel better about these issues is to help yourself. Another is to start talking. And remember, there is always, always hope.

Marissa Mazek is a Barnard College junior majoring in English. The Rough Truth runs alternate Mondays. Opinion@columbiaspectator.com