So you’re an LGBT-identified Columbia student, and if you haven’t already realized, queer life here in the big city is much more than rainbows and house music like it was in your parents’ town. It is, at times, an overwhelming carnival of different options. Some of us are out, some of us are in, some of us are so far gone from the closet that our only association with that statement is “Project Runway,” and we’ve all got our own set of social, academic, and romantic issues to navigate. First year, in particular, promises an inundation of choices to make. You will explore your sexuality. You will try or not try various recreational substances. You may become an athlete, or you may become an activist. Regardless, though, of whether you are colliding particles or private parts in Pupin, here are a few tips and tools of the trade to help you navigate your new, urban surroundings.
You may be in love right now, and it’s probably the truest love of your life, but when housing registration comes around, don’t move into a McBain double (or any other double, for that matter) with the love of your life. You have fifteen weeks of time apart from one another between room selection and move-in for fall semester, and a lot can go down in that time. Besides, McBain may have a shaft, but it’s not the kind you’re looking for, I promise.
Get. Off. Campus. Period. This means dating, this means socializing, this means homework. It’s a great feeling to run into all of your friends in front of Lerner every sunny afternoon. It is not a great feeling to watch your ex walk by you on College Walk with her hand in your other ex’s back pocket. The queer community here is already incestuous enough, so do your part now to promote biodiversity.
Make platonic queer friends. Lucky you, the community in New York is so large that you can’t possibly sleep with everyone in it. It’s good to have a few friends who are dealing with similar issues, but who don’t necessarily relive explicit memories of you when you tell them where you really disappeared to with that boy after that Navy ROTC meeting last night.
Grad students have already been to college. While some may wish they were still there, they are, for the most part, over partying in dorm rooms and spending nights spooning on twin-XL mattresses. Therefore, unless you were born before today’s date, 1987, don’t bother. They make great friends, but anything much else, and you’ll be stringing yourself along.
It should go without saying that whatever you do, be safe, but with the rising prevalence of abstinence-only sex education, I’ll reiterate: condoms/dental dams/etc. And if you don’t know what to use and/or how to use it, Go Ask Alice! Queer folk don’t have to worry about preventing pregnancy— for the most part—only disease, so do yourself and your future partners a favor by playing safely. Consent is sexy, burning when you pee is not.
Be nice to our counterparts in the closet. Being queer in today’s society is already hard enough without being elided by the very community you’re struggling to openly identify with. That said, if you are in the closet, don’t be homophobic/transphobic to the outside world and expect to be treated kindly by anyone when you do come out.
Be aware of others’ gender identities. Nobody expects you to be Judith Butler, and it’s not your fault that your only experience with trans issues thus far is To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar. Do not, though, respond to trans issues with pugnacious astonishment—have the humility to acknowledge that you are learning. Gender is a construct, the gender binary is a myth, and our trans family members have more wisdom to share than most of us mainstream gays and lesbians could ever hope to possess.
If you do decide that activism is for you, there are a myriad of options for you to pursue. Check out Columbia’s LGBT student groups—Columbia Queer Alliance, Proud Colors, Gayava, Q, GendeRevolution, and Everyone Allied Against Homophobia. There is also plenty to do around the city. Contrary to what LOGO or the Human Rights Campaign will have you think, gay white men are not the only members of our community. Do your part to be an ally and be conscious of the L, B, T, and Q—look into service with organizations like FIERCE (www.fiercenyc.org) and The Door (www.door.org) both of which do amazing work with at-risk LGBT youth.
If, after all of this, you still feel at sea, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find a sailor. Remember also to take this all with a grain of salt. I impart these tidbits to you keeping in mind the things I wish someone had given me as a first-year. The wonderful thing about being in a city like New York and at a school like Columbia is that the LGBT community is full of a variety of interesting people, all of whom have had different experiences. So if you do find a grad student who wants a relationship with someone who has still never voted in an election, good for you! Nobody’s experience here can be typified in any number of words, and that’s what makes being queer at Columbia such a wonderful adventure. Good luck—and for god’s sake, be safe!
Zachary Lundin is a Columbia College sophomore. He is the Community and University Relations Chair of Columbia Queer Alliance.
