Hannah Cain had just settled into her new lifestyle at Barnard when she met Mario Weddell at a party one evening in October, in a typical New York fashion. The two college freshmen hit it off right away.
“It was love at first sight,” Cain said.
But unlike the typical campus couple, the two aren’t likely to cross paths on the steps of Low Library. Weddell attends Fordham.
On a campus where the dating scene has consistently received dismal scores from insider college guides, it is not uncommon to find Columbians picking from a pool of thousands of Manhattan’s eligible mates. For Cain and Weddell, the benefits of having individual space are complemented by frequent visits to each others’ neighborhoods.
Cain said she visits Weddell anywhere from three to five times a week, especially on the weekends. “The train ride itself is only 12 minutes, so it’s not that bad. It ends up working out half and half—I’ll go to Fordham and he’ll come up here.”
Student opinions reveal that this trend—which is not necessarily a new thing—could stem from the common frustration of leaving a bar or on-campus party, or for some, Butler Library, without a few new phone numbers.
Elliot Smalling, CC ’11, said that he makes a regular effort to head downtown to hangouts that lack any connection to Columbia.
“It’s difficult because I feel like the Columbia dating scene is not as varied as I would like it to be,” Smalling said. “So it’s not necessarily that I’m attracted to older men, but if you’re not going to leave Columbia that’s what you have to choose from.”
But for many, this is not without its fair share of problems. For instance, Smalling feels that he’s perceived as immature because he’s not living in his own apartment.
“It’s hard to find common ground with someone with such a completely different lifestyle,” he said.
And maintaining a relationship with someone who lives a hundred blocks away can be difficult.
“As time goes on you get more comfortable and the relationship evolves,” said Frank Nestor, CC ’10 and a member of the Columbia Swing Dance Club who met his lady friend when dancing downtown. “But what [the relationship] evolves into might be the problem.”
Nestor explained that the logistics of playing the wider field can be challenging. Since his girlfriend attends the School of American Ballet, the only time the two spoke before they were officially dating was on the dance floor on Thursday nights.
“There is a certain convenience to someone being a dorm away,” he said.
It appears that female students are more active in their off-campus pursuits. Club promoter Mike Kanevsky said that in his job, he often encounters girls dating older men who live in the city.
“The one thing I’ve seen is that girls that go to clubs have fake IDs and get in underage,” Kanevsky said. “So rich guys tend to date younger girls that go to Columbia or Barnard.”
Lara Avsar, BC ’11, stays away from Columbia men, she said, preferring “older, more mature guys” and calling it a “major advantage” if they do not attend the University.
“It is kind of known on campus that not all Columbia guys are the most datable,” she
said with a chuckle.
Nestor suggested an added benefit of separation. Now, he realizes that the distance—though not nearly as large as the hundreds of miles dividing some students from their romantic engagements—has made him more committed.
“The fact that I’m putting in an effort shows that I really want to see her,” Nestor said. “There’s a clear level of interest and commitment to the person.”
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