Seeking the Inner Light

I was born and raised a devout agnostic. I never really knew what I believed and never took the time to think about it. So many people around me had a relationship with this thing called God, had such faith, and although I was always curious, religion never played a role in my life, even when I was completely immersed in it. It was really only until I came to college that I realized Quakerism was my truth.

Did your mind just conjure up an image of a little old woman wearing a bonnet and eating oatmeal when reading the word “Quakerism”? It is understandable if it did. Many think of Quakerism as a religion practiced by Amish-like inhabitants of remote farms, who only interact with society to sell goat cheese. But if one were to walk on the street in the U.S., there would be no way to tell who is a Quaker and who is not. Still, simplicity plays a crucial role in Quakerism. Quakers value self-reflection, patience, silence and grace. They believe that God can be found in everyone and everything, but that only through living a life with limited distractions can this closeness with God be realized. Quakers worship in a space called a “Meeting House” where people of all ages sit together in silence, waiting for “the word of God,” or reflecting on their own thoughts. People of many religious backgrounds participate in Weekly Meeting, although technically Quakerism is derived from Christianity. Quakers, or “Friends,“ believe that anyone can achieve a direct relationship with God, and that there is no need for any religious leader. Meeting is a time to search for spiritual power within oneself, which we call the Inner Light, or God. While Meeting for Worship is held in silence, anyone may at any time speak from the silence and share his or her thoughts. Brooklyn Meeting House, where I have found a place for myself, writes this about the process of Meeting for Worship: “If someone is moved to speak, his or her words may enrich the understanding of those present. Both our silence and our spoken words bring us closer together.” Equality and eagerness to hear others’ thoughts are important to Quakers, and this conscientiousness is what I live my life by every day.

As a member of a very small religious minority, I feel a bit isolated, but also highly appreciated. Columbia is tremendously welcoming to all religions, and I have had countless discussions about Quakerism, simply because people are interested in learning more. As a woman, my school empowers me to explore my experience as a person for whom the world is not “made.” Quakerism has always included women, and encouraged them to speak in Meeting, which sets this religion apart from other branches of Christianity. However, the Meetings for Business (where logistical aspects of the Meeting House are discussed) were not always open to women, and only until George Fox, the staple figure for Quakerism, gave women their own Meeting for Business, did this change. My womanhood and the strength that I derive from it fuel a passion to understand my surroundings and the people within them, a passion I also experience through Quakerism. At my school, women of every age, sexual affiliation, race and ethnicity are valued as equals, as well as among men, and I feel heard and respected, which are aspects I cherish very deeply about Quakerism as well. I cannot imagine feeling comfortable in a society that did not hold equality, respect and open-mindedness in the highest regard.

Although anyone in any place can practice the Quaker lifestyle, it is certainly an adjustment to go from Quaker summer camp in the Virginian mountains, hiking and interacting with children, to one of the busiest, flashiest cities in the world. The most dramatic change I experienced when moving to New York City is the lack of simplicity in the world around me. I believe this lack of simplicity comes from society’s need to be entertained and in motion at all times, even when learning, thinking, or even sitting. It is incredibly hard to find a place to sit and just be, without bustling crowds roaring past, or anxiety about tomorrow’s midterm polluting the air. I find myself missing silence and craving space that is not adorned with marble statues, velvet curtains or state-of-the-art technology. Yet these things do bring me pleasure and convenience, which I cannot fail to acknowledge. I find comfort in being surrounded by people, which is certainly a theme of Quakerism, and this constant human contact has made the adjustment easier. I wish sometimes, though, that this interaction would take place on a warmer, more spiritual level, rather than that of two busy strangers saying a hurried “excuse me” when bumping into one another in the subway station.

Quakerism is a new development in my life, although it has always played a role. I attended a Quaker elementary school, as well as several Quaker summer camps. While I am still finding my place in the Quaker community, I never doubt for a moment that I am welcome. It has given me the space to explore my womanhood, and has given me faith that the progress of women will never slow down. I still cannot claim to fully understand myself in regards to religion, but I know now that there is a part of my soul that depends and thrives off the Inner Light.

The author is a Barnard College first-year.