Message From A Graduating PixBox Legend

As the seconds ran off the clock on ESPN.com, CNNSI.com and CBSSportsline, showing the Cornell and Princeton game eeking toward the end, I, for once in my PixBox tenure, became nervous.

Cornell had been a 7.5-point favorite, and Vegas (the more adept oddsmakers, the ones who actually know what they’re talking about) set the line at 14.5. But with Cornell clinging to an eight-point lead, I admittedly lost interest in my final Columbia game, and focused on this one—a meaningless game that could win my PixBox, something that doesn’t amount to anything, right?

Well, when the countdown became a final score, with Cornell having won by nine, I stood up in the middle of the Columbia game—at a crucial moment too—and high-fived the “Spec section.” This PixBox win, my third in four years, was probably the most rewarding and most impressive.

I trailed by three games heading into the final weekend, and needed a huge finish, along with a pre-2004 Red Sox collapse from last semester’s winner, Lisa Lewis. And that’s precisely what happened. (Note to Lisa: when in the lead, don’t make the same picks as your partner. The odds are greater that you’ll lose the lead than if you make one or two different picks. Just FYI.)

My guest picker this time was Anand Krishnamurthy—a former columnist whose knowledge about sports is nearly unmatched. Yet Anand was the equivalent of the Buffalo Bills in PixBox—he always found a way to blow it at the end. So making him my guest picker was kind of risky. But I thought it’d be nice for him to enjoy the ride to victory.

I was rejected by not one, but two guest pickers: Josh Robinson (who was my picker last semester) and Jon Kamran. You two surely picked the right seniors to guest pick for. What place did Auggie and JTay come in?

With three out of four championships, a mini-dynasty, a Patriot-like performance, I bid my adieu to PixBox, with the stupid tradition of making fun of, teasing, and provoking anger from the other columnists. So let’s start from the bottom.

Mike Shannon: I have to give you (and Josh, your guest picker) much credit for not giving two shits about PixBox. You have found an amazing way in each challenge to incorporate a wonderful young man, Tyson Brody.

Jacob Shapiro: Why the animosity toward me and Auggie? Nearly all of your shoutouts had something to do with us. Really, making fun of me for writing a creative lede that failed to reach your level of grammatical correctness? Only two people on the Spec can critique my writing and you, my friend, are not one of them.

Charles Young: Sir Chuckles—what can I say. I always expected you to win a PixBox. I am truly disappointed in you for never even cracking the top half. I guess that’s what you get for being in SEAS and actually having work to do.

Jelani Johnson: Columbia really lets you study in Brazil? That is ridiculous. Also, about the whole column thing: don’t worry about it. All of us talk like that, but the main thing is, we don’t necessarily write it in a column—but we all learn.

Jonathan August: is 5 feet 9 inches tall with black hair. Looking for a fun, yet enjoyable time. Likes wine and fine dining (and is always OK with picking up the check). For any woman interested, contact me at sports@columbiaspectator.com. I’ll get you in touch with this lover boy.
Wow, I just put out a match.com-esque profile for Auggie. This could lead to more...

Jon Tayler: In the past two victory columns, I said the same exact thing. Don’t think the third time will be the charm. Tell Lora (I mean, Ellissa) “hi” via gchat, not webchat.

Matt Velazquez: Matt, after last Saturday night’s debacle in which you made a complete fool out of yourself, I would not rule out seeking counseling. Being on the rugby team does not mean you have to become “one of those kids.”

Lisa Lewis: I guess blackmail does work.

For all of my fans (Mom, Dad—I know you’re reading this), I am proud to close the curtain on this, my final act. Thank you.

Max Puro is a Columbia College senior majoring in history. Sports@columbiaspectator.com