Everything I know I learned from Nintendo

I went home this past weekend to celebrate Easter with my family, and I intended to get a lot more work done than I did. One reason why that happened was that I noticed that my old Nintendo 64 was in its spot below the TV in the entertainment center, but nearly all of the games were missing. Fearing that my little sisters had done away with my old games, I set off on a search to find them.

I canvassed the upstairs and downstairs and found nothing, so I decided to check the basement. There I ran into my old Super Nintendo and Sega consoles, and I decided that if I couldn’t find my N64, I’d take a virtual trip down memory lane with one or both of those old friends. After a fruitless search, I went back to the room from which I had started only to find the games tucked away in a bag in a corner of the room I hadn’t checked. With the games in hand, I set off to revel in their 64-bit glory.

It’s kind of scary, but I have come to realize that a fair amount of my sports knowledge comes from what I learned playing sports video games as a kid. I learned what a spitball was from RBI Baseball ’93 and subsequently tried to use it in wiffle ball ,and I learned that playing basketball with no out-of-bounds and no fouls was awesome thanks to NBA Jam (that didn’t translate well to real life). In fact, I didn’t really know what hockey was until I played NHL Hockey at a friend’s house in first grade.

Many of these games, for better or for worse, shaped my childhood. For those of you who were deprived growing up, I’m going to list some of my favorites. I definitely can’t write all of them in this column, but I’m going to try to limit myself to my absolute favorites. In order to keep this list nostalgic, I’m also going to limit my selections to games that were released for Sega, Super Nintendo, N64, and PlayStation. Without further ado, here are games that I consider classics.

NBA Jam

When my brother and I opened this game on Christmas morning in 1993, we went ballistic. We then played for most of the day shouting, “Boomshakalaka” and calling each other cheaters for fouling despite the fact that there were no fouls in NBA Jam. This game revolutionized the video game experience with its two-on-two gameplay, use of turbo, and the players’ out-of-this-world ability to jump twice the height of the hoop for jaw-dropping dunks. It also became a cultural phenomenon with the announcer shouting the famous lines, “He’s heating up!” and “He’s on fire!”

Joe Montana Sports Talk Football ’93

Sure, this series didn’t really cut it when it came to competing with the Madden games, but it was fun while it lasted. It remains the only football game that I’ve ever played where the designed halfback pass worked more than 50 percent of the time. The announcing in that game might have been the best part, as phrases like, “He’ll feel that in the morning!” and “Shanked it!” bluntly described the events of the game.

NHL Hockey

As a kid growing up in Connecticut, nothing was cooler than being able to play as the Hartford Whalers. This is the only hockey game I had growing up—though definitely not the only one I played—and to this day I still get a bit of an adrenaline rush when two players randomly start fighting. My greatest memories of this game are the battles I would have with my brother and friends to see who could rack up the most checks in a game. Nothing beats pixels smashing other pixels against the boards—nothing.

Major League Baseball Featuring Ken Griffey, Jr.

This game took up many hours of my time during middle school, but the time was well worth it, as now I know a pretty good amount about late ’90s baseball because of it. Sure, no pitcher can consistently throw a super fastball at 106 miles per hour, and you won’t see multiple 500-plus-foot homers in a game, but who cares? The game was fairly realistic outside of some obvious embellishments, and it was nice to hear Ken Griffey, Jr. compliment players after they made nice plays—even when he was the one who made them.

NFL Blitz

Blitz is the graphically enhanced cousin of NBA Jam and was excessively violent, which is why it was fun. Monstrously muscled men beat the living crap out of each other to the squealing delight of my barely 10-year-old self and my friends. I’m pretty sure that the popularity of this game and games like it led to the founding of the XFL, which tragically folded after only one season. (Side note: I mentioned this in a previous column, but if you know where I can get a He Hate Me jersey, let me know.) Blitz was so popular that iterations of it are still alive today, though without the NFL’s licensing. Thus, instead of playing with Mike Vick, you have to play with Mike Mexico—which, don’t get me wrong, is hilarious.

Matt Velazquez is a Columbia College junior majoring in history. Sports@columbiaspectator.com