Rely on what?

Last week, I sat in Faculty House enjoying a talk given by a prominent director of Broadway plays and musicals. She discussed what it means to be an artist, and in her explanation, she briefly remarked that in her development as a member of the artistic world, she could not rely on anything but herself and her work. Though the rest of her presentation was fascinating, those were the words that struck me.

At first, I wanted to agree with her. She seemed completely on the money—it is true that you cannot rely on other people and their opinions. To do so would be to voluntarily tie yourself to the whims of people external to your own passions and achievements. Under such value-defining gazes, one is bound to eventually break down, having not lived up to the expectations or demands of outside observers. The question remains, though—if not them, then who?

The natural reaction to the unreliable nature of people on the outside is to look inwards. Since we have no authority over those around us, we turn to ourselves for stability and dependability. This perspective gets us further than the externally centered one because we actually have control—we constantly make decisions for our own lives, proving our power. The pitfall arises, though, when we want to pinpoint exactly what it is in ourselves we rely on. In an environment like Columbia, where excellence in our work is constantly under scrutiny, we search for stability in our accomplishments. We begin to rely on our perceived ability to do the work necessary to excel our areas of expertise.

But this mindset proves deceitful. As soon as we begin to rely on ourselves, and, by association, our accomplishments, we set ourselves up for a major letdown. With such a perspective, our identity’s stability becomes intertwined with our abilities, opening up the possibility of the identity being shattered upon failure of the abilities. When that happens, we find ourselves floating once again without anchor, having been cast away by what we thought was a stable object of reliance.

For some, my criticisms of self-reliance may assume too much or do not apply to everyone. To that I would say that while my hypothesis does not apply to everybody, I do believe that it is a very frequent path taken in people’s searches for reliance in such high-powered places as Columbia. That is why the speaker’s words were so interesting to me—she was a member of this high-achieving group, depending on herself and her work.

When it seems that we are out of options, perhaps we have to explore exactly why it is that we search for something or someone to rely on in the first place. It seems like an odd requirement that we have an entity to trust in completely. Why can’t we simply do our work to the best of our ability and live our lives in as acceptable a way as possible? Must we have this unending desire for some support system to which to run in the event of misfortune or disillusionment?

As nice as it would be to rid ourselves of this desire for stable reliance, I have come to believe that such a desire is an expected outcome of the constant string of disappointments we encounter daily. We live in a world that voices a choir of ideals but exhibits distorted attempts to enact them. People seems to fail others or themselves at some point, only highlighting the pervasion of this societal want of perfection. Our situation appears to necessitate reliance on something that doesn’t fluctuate and break down as much as our surroundings.

The bind remains. We can’t rely on others, and we can’t completely rely on ourselves, but we have an unquenchable need to know that we can count on something. By admitting this, the search for dependable reliance really begins. Looking beyond ourselves and beyond those around us opens the door to a pursuit of potentially life-changing realizations. As we hunt for something that fulfills the requirements of the truly reliable, we reach conclusions that we were too preoccupied to notice as we looked to each other for security.

For me, this search has had me looking heavenward for an object of reliance—a stability and consistency that I have yet to experience in my current environs. I have found this reliance to be the most liberating and authentic of any I have experienced. As our campus locks itself down for finals season and three weeks of bliss lie waiting for our stress-wracked minds, I urge you to consider this question: What or who is worth your reliance?

Derek Turner is a Columbia College sophomore. Opening Remarks runs alternate Tuesdays. opinion@columbiaspectator.com