Societal police trying to take all the fun out of sports

When I was seven years old, my father published “The Pleasure Police,” a book that villainizes the politically correct “Puritans and the congenital alarmists” who are “increasingly trying to leech all joy from our daily lives.”

Given that doctors will tell you that having fun is the single healthiest thing you can do, he rebuked those who shun good food, alcohol, sex and all the true pleasures of life.

As much as I tried to be like my father at the time—clutching an oversized Cuban cigar in one hand and a glass of Barolo in the other—I am not the writer, a journalist, or man that he was.

However, it is now my time to take up the mantle and rage against another crusade of the societal “police”—the attempted sterilization of sports.

When I first became a sports fan, I fell in love not only with the games themselves but also with the traditions, rivalries, and idiosyncrasies—all of the little things that make sports special.

I cherished the heated exchanges between Dodgers and Giants fans and reading about characters like Leo Durocher and Casey Stengel. I begrudgingly went to the University of Southern California basketball camp, setting foot in my hated rival’s gym only because the summer program was better.

Now, soccer moms, writers, and even college administrators are trying to end the old ways of sports. These alarmists are trying to spoil our fun, fining Chad Ochocinco for a fake $1 payoff and criticizing pitchers for throwing inside.

While the latter might be my biggest complaint, I will try to stay current. The most recent uproar caused by these fear mongers came on Saturday well after most people on the East Coast were asleep.

Despite playing poorly, USC led the University of California, Los Angeles 21-7 and had the ball with under a minute to play. As quarterback Matt Barkley was set to kneel, UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel called a timeout, rejecting Pete Carroll’s proverbial olive branch. Carroll responded by calling for a deep pass, which Damian Williams hauled in to give the Trojans seven more points.

How did people respond? Neuheisel was called a brat, Carroll was deemed classless. While journalists disagreed as to who was at fault, everyone decided it was an ugly moment and chastised those involved for a lack of sportsmanship.

When did journalists, who used to go out on the town with players, turn into uptight moralists? More importantly, when did rivalries become irrelevant?

The media loves to make a huge deal out of deep-rooted hatreds, turning every Yankees-Red Sox game into a national circus. Yet, when the coaches and players add fuel to the fire, when they show their contempt for their opponent, they are condemned for it.

This was not a punch—such as the one thrown by Oregon’s LeGarrette Blount—or an avalanche of middle fingers—like those offered by Bud Adams.

This was a defiant timeout and a minor case of running up the score. It was not an epic rivalry moment, but it demonstrated that both coaches recognized the larger significance of every little thing that happens on the field in such a game.

Was it silly of Rick Neuheisel to call a timeout when his team had no chance of winning? Sure. Was it childish? Maybe a little. Was it reprehensible? Absolutely not.

Since taking the job, Neuheisel has tried again and again to tip the balance of power in Los Angeles. Thus far he has struggled, but at least he has tried more than his predecessors.

He continues to try to get under Carroll’s skin, and it looks as though he has finally succeeded. It backfired in the short term, but it further enhanced the intensity of this game in the long run. Every player on the UCLA sideline will want to beat USC even more and will never forget what this game means to the team.

Given that the Bruins have lost 10 of 11 to the Trojans, Neuheisel has to try just about anything.

Meanwhile, Carroll has been crucified for running up the score just two weeks after complaining that Stanford’s Jim Harbaugh did the same thing. I will admit that it would appear to be a flip-flop, but after Neuheisel’s call, Carroll really did not have a choice.

If the opponent—your rival, no less—tries to preserve a game that is clearly over, it is your right to end it however you want. When Neuheisel called that timeout, Carroll had to respond.

Don’t we want to see our coaches be passionate and feisty?

Carroll is praised time and time again for his exuberance. He is also renowned for his arrogance. Like it or not, it is who he is. This was another demonstration of Carroll’s distinctive coaching style, and though it may be offensive to some, it’s one of the reasons I don’t buy that USC will be down again next year.

I am not insensitive to or ignorant of changes in society. I think NFL teams and players need to be far more careful with concussions and all health-related issues. I was a vocal advocate of the NBA age limit. I obviously supported probes into steroids.

What I cannot fathom is the obsession with curbing the little things. So the Philadelphia Phillies’ pitchers tend to protect the plate. So Pete Carroll loves to run up the score against rivals like Notre Dame and UCLA.

What’s one thing those teams share?

Players and coaches say they “play the right way.”

What’s another?

They win.

Lucas Shaw is a Columbia College junior majoring in political science.
sports@columbiaspectator.com