Imagine you and me. And our Facebook accounts.
These days, dating means more than just dating a person, Marc Fitorre, SEAS ’11, said. It also means you are dating someone’s Facebook, Fitorre said, bemoaning the state of modern love.
In an increasingly digital age, would-be lovers are thrown into a social networking minefield, where status changes, flirty photos, and wall posts are engines for woe and heartbreak.
According to Facebook’s company profile, twenty-nine percent of Facebook users fall between the ages of 18-25 and many of those users update their pages daily, making young people especially vulnerable to the slings and arrows of Facebook romance. The Columbia Facebook network has 65,000 users listed, and 85 percent of all American college students have profiles, according to the site.
Todd Gitlin, a professor of journalism and sociology, said that while it is difficult to say precisely what impact Facebook may have on someone’s relationship, it is clear that a public profile exposes you to the judgements of others.
“It’s not just a gossip chain—people are always gossiping about each other’s boyfriends—but now it’s a wider circle,” he said. “Letting someone know about your romantic life makes you more susceptible to the nastiness, the jealousy of other people you don’t know.”
Cordelia Calvert, BC ’12, said that after she broke up with her boyfriend, revising her Facebook was another step she had to take.
“They confront you with a ‘Are you sure want to terminate this relationship?’” she said, considering the issue of changing her status to “single.” The question prompted fears and insecurities about her relationship decision.
For some students, posted photos are also common points of contention.
“The first thing people think when they get a notification that they have been tagged in a photo, is ‘Let me hurry up and make sure this photo is appropriate before my girlfriend or boyfriend sees it and gets angry,’” Fitorre said.
Gairy Hall, CC ’11, said that one of his close friends was forced to put his photos on private, after his girlfriend at the time spent hours analyzing photos and “accusing him of inappropriate behavior.”
At Columbia, online evidence of a wild weekend spent apart can jeopardize a relationship, some students say.
Jaclyn Marshall, CC ’12, said, “New York City is an area with a large social scene and Facebook is a way to stay interconnected, and when it comes to relationships the same is true—you can keep tabs on what your partner is doing and who he is doing it with.”
Some also said that making the switch from “single” to “in a relationship,” or going “Facebook official,” carries a lot of meaning. “Going Facebook official is not a joking matter,” Chelsea Cozen, BC ’13, said.
For Dean Perfetti, CC ’13, going Facebook official can be a way to “show off your girlfriend and boyfriend, and make other people jealous.”
But Marshall said that getting overly involved with your Facebook often does more harm then good.
“The public nature of Facebook takes the intimacy out of your relationship. It’s no longer yours—it is everyone else’s,” she said.
Kaylin Marcotte, BC ’12, said that even being in the middle of a relationship on Facebook, can be as taxing as breaking one off.
“With Facebook, people expect a level of publicity or cyber ‘pda.’ If they don’t have pictures together, or if they never write on each other’s walls it looks bad and people make [assumptions] about how their relationship is,” she said.
Some on campus protest the Facebook movement altogether.
Adam Herrada, GS, said he deleted his Facebook to cut down on distractions and feels he hasn’t really missed out.
He said, “My love life didn’t change at all once I deleted it.”
COMMENTS
Comments will be moderated in accordance with our comment policy