Casual Friday: Hating on Housing’s website

The Editorial Board takes its position as the voice of Spectator very seriously. However, in keeping with the Spectator-wide effort to put the “college” back in college newspaper, the board members, who do not take themselves quite so seriously, will submit to the consideration of the University population a different sort of editorial each Friday.

StarRez Housing Application Portal, you are officially on notice. You are quite possibly the worst website we’ve ever seen.

To begin with, there’s your name. It’s ridiculous. Either you’re trying to brand yourself as a new and exciting televised talent search program, or you’re going for some strange Death Star association. Which might actually be applicable, given the degree to which you make undergraduates feel powerless to strike back.

You toy with us, StarRez Housing Application Portal. You log us in, then you tell us we must log off and log in again to view the application tab. And then you don’t let us view the application tab. You don’t let us in at all. And as for your group registration process—let’s just say it’s a veritable practice in verifying verification. Sometimes you’re not even a real Portal. You’re a test Portal. You tell us this at the top of your screen on the second day of housing registration. Don’t lie. You’ve had months leading up to this to test yourself. Clearly, you’re just testing us.

You pretend you care, StarRez. You want to know about our personalities. Given the general irrelevance of this for the people registering, we can only assume that you want to understand who we are. You bestow unto us the opportunity for screen names. Again, since there is absolutely no reason to use these, it must be because you want to know what we’d like to be called when we meet. Because you’re so welcoming at first, StarRez.

And then. You tell us that the selection process for the rooms we’ve been living in all year is incomplete. Is it us, StarRez? Are we the incomplete ones? You give our friends six hours to withdraw from our carefully constructed groups. Do you want us dependent and at your mercy? You don’t let us go back and change our minds after pressing “continue,” even though, technically, we have until Wednesday.

You must hate us. But that’s all right, StarRez Housing Application Portal. Because until you make some fundamental changes—until you join the ranks of other passable 21st-century websites—believe us: We will continue to hate you more.