Casual Fridays: Mad house housing

In 2009, Britney Spears released her comeback album. This gem of a contribution to the music industry was titled “Circus.” With whatever respect is due to Ms. Spears (however much that is is not to be determined by the Editorial Board), that album does not deserve the title of “Circus.” No. There is but one true circus, and it is found neither with the Ringling Brothers, nor with tired pop stars. The circus is in John Jay Lounge, and its opening act, main performance, side shows, and grand finale can all be described with one word: housing. Make no mistake—this is the single most important and impressive performance any Columbia student will either attend or take part in over the course of his or her entire life. Step right up, don’t be shy. It’s the Incredible Housing Circus!

For our opening act, enjoy a round with the Dancing Bear, performed by the magical mind of the Housing staff. Log in to StarRez (again! and again! twirl!). And now for the pirouettes. How many EC townhouses and Hogan suites will there be? Round and around and around we go, but where we’ll stop, nobody quite knows. You certainly won’t know how many suites are available the morning the circus comes to town. That would ruin the suspense! True magicians (and dancing bears, apparently) never reveal their secrets. This wouldn’t be a very good show if we went in secure in the knowledge of how it would end!

And then, our mighty Housing Houdini steps into the ring, soaking up the spotlight. He locks himself in a cage, invites all members of the class of 2011 in, and throws away the key. It’s Senior Regroup! (Yes. If you took part in Senior Regroup, you were in a cage.) The ringleader picks tiny red lottery tickets out of a giant magic hat and bellows the numbers, one by one. Then he draws out a rabbit, which turns into a dove, which pulls the lock until it turns into a silk scarf. Ta-da!

And so goes the Greatest Show on Earth. There’s mass confusion, excitement, frustration, fear, annoyance, and suspense. There’s also over-crowding and over-heating, but Barnum never mentioned that, so neither will we. Housing selection is a madhouse, a circus, and—short of the arrival of elephants stacked one on top of the other—there are not too many ways the process could be more of a spectacle. Whether students act more as spectators or clowns is another matter entirely. But perhaps, given the magnitude of the situation, we should all throw pies and spray water flowers at one another. After all, the Circus only comes to town once a year.