Play up the foreplay, whip out the costumes

Halloween may be over, but after wandering downstairs in Ricky’s, I discovered that, even during the other 364 days of the year, I can still be anything I want to be. On my last walkthrough, I spotted ensembles for a slutty police officer, a sexy nurse, and even a half-naked firefighter (but, to my dismay, no schoolgirl outfits). Apparently, Ricky’s endorses all kinds of dress-up games—as do I. So in honor of the hordes of robe-clad Harry Potter fans crowding the streets for today’s movie premiere, I’d like to discuss sexual role-play.

I clearly recall being told in my Intro to Psychology class that one of the theories for why people enjoy making art is that even after they become adults, they retain a childlike fondness for creative play. Though the examples my textbook brought up were limited to painting, making music, and sculpting, I couldn’t help but consider sex. Though sex has many faces—sad, angry, eager, mean, sulky, frustrated, obnoxious, or any other word with which you could misname one of the seven dwarves—one of my favorites is the one that’s lighthearted. In my opinion, there’s no better way to have fun than to put on a costume... and have someone rip it off.

Though my visit to Ricky’s last week left me with the impression that most New Yorkers are engaging in role-play, after asking around, I realized that even some of my more adventurous friends have not tried it out, citing reasons such as, “I just never got around to it.” While I have flirted with role-play in the past—I wore a $12 polyester number that, with a bit of squinting, could resemble a French maid’s uniform—I had never fully immersed myself in a character while in bed.

Since I’ve never been much of an actress, the idea of putting on a persona, especially in such an intimate place as the bedroom, made me nervous. I envisioned myself melting into a giggling mess, blushing uncontrollably, and stumbling through clichéd porn dialogue. Nevertheless, for the sake of this column, I decided to give full-out role-play a try.

I’m sure you’re dying to know who I chose to be and what kinds of naughty things went down. Unfortunately, that’s my business. But a hint about my fantasy: it had to do with office hours. Without going into details, I can say that it was absolutely one of the most exciting sexual experiences of my life. While I was awkward at first—laughing at myself more than putting on an act—my partner and I gradually grew more comfortable with the realization that no matter what we said, it would sound like it came straight out of an X-rated DVD, and we began to explore the possibilities of the experience.

Role-play is an opportunity to fulfill a fantasy that doesn’t seem feasible in day-to-day life. Perhaps you won’t ever be able to sleep with a real librarian or a marine, but with a willing collaborator and an open mind, you can bring your imagination to life. For me, role-play was a chance to expand on my usual behavior—to become an exaggerated version of the persona I often take on during sex. It was also a great environment for my partner and I to do certain things that we would feel more wary of doing during a regular session. We were inhabiting someone else, after all, so the pressure of acting the so-called right way was gone.

Though I enjoyed the spontaneity and ingenuity of pretending, I did miss the intimacy that comes with being myself with my partner. Role-play is definitely an act I’d prefer to save for rare occasions—although I must admit, with the deluge of Potter promos on TV, I have been thinking that I might crimp my hair, button up my shirt to the neck, and play an uptight Hermione tomorrow night. Or not.