Opinion: Love Actualized
The recent Golden Globe Awards should have been an incredible night for social progress. Aziz Ansari is now the first Asian-American performer to win best actor in a TV comedy—this is undeniable progress. His acceptance speech identified disparities in media prevalence between Asian Americans and other demographics—more progress. On the lapel of his black jacket, worn over a black shirt, a black pin read “TIME’S UP”—more progress. Or at least, it should have been....
Content warning: This piece addresses issues of sexual assault.
“Have you ever been in a codependent relationship?” The question came during a late-night encounter I was having with a boy I was seeing at the time. It was the first time I had heard the term, and when I told him that I had not, he launched into a detailed account of the “codependent relationship” he had been in during his first year at Columbia. When recalling the sheer anguish that came with extricating himself from his codependent relationship, he explained to me that his worst fear was falling into that type of mutual dependency again, the type where one person ostensibly satisfies all your requirements—checks all your boxes—to the point where all other relationships are neglected, and eventually fade into oblivion....
“I love traveling, reading, and my family and friends are my world. I’m also 420 friendly. Oh, and the baby in the picture is my niece, not mine (insert flirty emoji).”...
In the sunset days of high school, during the last week of my senior year, a few of my friends wanted to give me their parting words of wisdom.
Every morning I wake up to a quote by trans activist and poet Alok Vaid-Menon, pinned on the wall facing my bed: “Feel and Love, Militantly.”
“The bio is really what makes it for me. Are they funny? Over six feet? Are they just gonna want me to send pictures of my feet for money?” my friend said while lying on her VINDUM IKEA rug and swiping left after left on Tinder, creating a never-ending pile of boys aged 18 to 22 within a four-mile radius who never even got a chance. She’d just convinced me to download it, and I was terrified. She’d tried time and time again to convince me that this was the best part of Tinder: You never lead anyone on, and there is nothing to lose. Little did she know—and little did I know—just how bad at “Tindering” I’d be....
The pathology of a budding Columbia relationship requires the vanishing act our friends perform when they chum up with a new romantic partner. Passive time spent in lounges, dining halls, or study spaces become a precious commodity--the shared time that, in the past, melded into the everyday. Suddenly, now seeing that same friend becomes a cause to celebrate....