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Meet Me on 116th and Pompous Ass Avenue
By Vesal Yazdi
PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 27, 2007
Spectator wants you to pick the next first-year columnist. Three finalists will run during the week and readers may vote for their favorite online at Columbiaspectator.com.
Oh, the pangs of Literature Humanities burn within my very core and spread like a cancerous disease, reaching my very extremities!
Without inducing any further gagging, Lit Hum is the melting pot in which Columbia provides two avenues of distinct dichotomy. One path is for the would-be-but-will-never-be philosopher, and the other is for the normal, sane Columbia intellectual. Let me make the distinction more obvious: one group throws terms like “a priori” and “neo-democratic” as many times as they can in discussions of The Iliad, while the other group is content with phrases like “Achilles totally hammered those crazy Trojans” and “Do you reckon Patroklos and Achilles got it on?” I must say, there is another group that doesn’t say anything at all, which is a shame, since they could be instrumental in overcoming the former group, here known as Group Pompous Ass.
As far as I know, the core, of which Literature Humanities is a part, is intended to foster breadth of knowledge and to teach students the ways of analyzing text and constructing intellectual argument. I certainly didn’t enroll for a heated debate between members of Group Pompous Ass on how The Iliad may represent a democratic society, which allowed Achilles to protest Agamemnon’s behavior. You can’t be serious, trying to transplant a modern political construct in a book with some big guy on clouds throwing lightning bolts and some sissy who stole some other guy’s lady (referring here to Paris and Menelaus, of course). To some extent, I admire the attempt.
I remember our first Lit Hum class. We had the chair of Lit Hum, Gareth Williams, introduce us to our first analysis of Homer’s text. As soon as the first comment was made, a domino effect occurred, and it didn’t take long to see many eager hands flying in the air and people approaching the microphone. Funnily enough, almost all of them received applause. Even funnier was the fact that the speakers thought their comments deserved applause. Sadly, half the auditorium was patronizing and parodying our fellow colleagues. If anything, Williams salvaged any remnant of dignified discussion, responding very diplomatically to the sometime questionable comments made in relation to the stimulus text.
Now, I’d also like to point out that I do not discourage the pursuit of greater knowledge and heated intellectual discussion. In fact, there are people who can carve out the big, verbose calls but actually make sense. I admire those rare breeds of people. But when you’re a high jumper running to get over the bar of greater knowledge and instead slam straight through the bar and face-plant on the ground, that’s when it’s time to wake up to reality and take it one bunny hop at a time.
Another typical Group Pompous Ass characteristic is the ability to say the simplest things in the most verbose, vomit-inducing way possible. And to top it off, they have another member of the Group Pompous Ass to reiterate exactly what the other member said, two seconds later and in slightly different words. Group Pompous Ass serves to impede progress, make mountains out of molehills, and force the eyes of the sane person to roll out of his or her sockets.
The next time I had class, I decided to provide some comic relief. Recall the embassy made to Achilleus in order to try to get him back to the battlefield. My argument was that Achilleus made uncharacteristic statements on honor on the basis that he was completely intoxicated. Before the embassy left to visit Achilleus, they had “filled the mixing-bowl with pure wine and passed it to all”; they had passed the courvoisier and “drunk as much as their hearts wished”. Not a good start to their plea. As they approach the shelter of Achilleus, amongst all the battle and strife, we come across “Achilleus delighting his heart in a lyre.” Achilleus is clearly in his own magical world of musical rapture. Upon acknowledging his guests, he calls Patroklos to “mix us a stronger drink,” implying they had already had a strong drink. The passivity in Achilleus’ statements can only support my probable theory that he was tanked. For some reason, my theory didn’t go down too well with my professor, who laughed and swept it quickly under the table.
In light of this, I think the burden of responsibility here to create the right Lit Hum environment lies with the professor. My Lit Hum professor is actually fantastic. He seems to have mastered the art of diplomacy and of dodging Group Pompous Ass comments. So if your Lit Hum class is starting to reek of pseudo-intellectualism, your professor has the ability to control where the discussion starts and where it ends, who contributes and who is denied. Professors revolutionize not just the standard of teaching, but also the method of teaching, so that the core can take on a more evolutionary role, molding around the needs and wants of an ever-changing incoming class.
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Forget about Achilles and the Oracle of Delphi! Has anyone noticed our football record? We need big, dumb bastards, and fast.
Good work Ves! You really showed Lit hum and all Humanities courses ever! I don't think your article is poorly written and sloppy at all! It is actually QUITE funny and the metaphors you used were very appropriate!
I find it hard to believe that this is the work of someone who's only had a month of college! I was also very surprised to find people trying to make intellectual comments in class and sometimes failing. It is just so tough to have to endure listening to people other than me talk.They should wise up and leave it to the actual intellectuals. OR guys like you and me. I crack jokes all the time, although none of them are as funny as saying Achilles was drunk! Good one! Almost as good as the term "Group Pompous Ass!" So clever! You should definitely get voted in, what more does the spec need? Humor? Check! Originality? Double check - I never thought I'd live to see the day when people would complain about a discussion class. Were you home-schooled too?
In light of this, I think my professors are doing a great job. This is not a failed attempt at "pseudo-intellectualism." I am above this.
I think what he/she was saying was that you can't excuse Achilles' protests using democracy as a current state of government. Democracy did NOT exist then. The author is not arguing whether this WAS a sign of democracy. Read between the lines. Or talk to Garreth Williams.
"I think what he/she was saying was that you can't excuse Achilles' protests using democracy as a current state of government"
this sentence is so poorly written it would be hard to know where to begin a response to it...it's easier to understand the cause-effect relationships from the oracle of delphi. express yourself clearly. or talk to the writing center.
sure thing, resort to petty insults to avoid addressing the actual issue at hand. Pompous ass.
I THINK the author was trying to say that Achilles' protest cannot be condoned by saying that he protested in a democratic government, mainly because the Achaen government at the time was NOT democratic.
Maybe you should ask the Oracle of Delphi how to capitalize letters after periods and also how to start development of testosterone in order to grow a penis.
first of all, my posting above was not a petty insult meant to dodge the issues. your comment was not even close to coherent. therefore, it isn't a responsible contribution to any kind of debate, because no one could possibly discern the reasons why you're disagreeing. so my suggestion that you spend a lot of time in the writing center was not trivial or an insult; it's done in the hope that you learn how to debate people about things you care about and no longer embarass yourself in writing and in public.
now that you have posted something that one could agree or disagree with, i just say i disagree. the writer of the column claims:
"I certainly didn’t enroll for a heated debate between members of Group Pompous Ass on how The Iliad may represent a democratic society, which allowed Achilles to protest Agamemnon’s behavior. You can’t be serious, trying to transplant a modern political construct in a book with some big guy on clouds throwing lightning bolts and some sissy who stole some other guy’s lady (referring here to Paris and Menelaus, of course)."
one of the things the columnist is implying is that it is anachronisitc to talk about early expressions of democratic ideals in an age in which democracy didn't exist in its current form. there are a number of arguments as to why this doesn't make sense, and i think other people have already shown that in their discussions of democracy as a historical process with shadowy origins. in general, we study early forms and expressions of a lot of contemporary phenomena: feminism, slavery, art, etc. even in historical time periods that didn't have a name for those phenomena. lit hum is a good example: it studies a lot of works that we collectively call "literature," even though those works come from cultures that did not have a concept exactly equal to our concept of "literature." according to the columnist's logic, we shouldn't study the iliad in lit hum because the concept of "literature" in its modern form didn't exist when homer was writing (or, following your logic, when the trojan war was waged). that just doesn't make any sense. that's all i'm saying.
lastly, allow me to obeserve that you seem to have as loose a grip on physiology and anatomy as you do reading, writing, and decorum.
Blah blah blah.
My last comment was supposed to be stupid - if it didn't speak for itself. I really don't think you understand what the author is saying, even in the quote you provided. The Iliad did NOT represent a democratic society. That's what the author is saying... he is not contesting the idea that Achilles' protest was a democratic move.
what part of "You can’t be serious, trying to transplant a modern political construct in a book with some big guy on clouds throwing lightning bolts" don't you understand?
granted, it's uncomfortable to see insecure people posture ridiculously in class, but it's perhaps even more uncomfortable to see them do it in print. the writer of this piece obviously has some very simplistic ideas about history. the idea that it is foolish to look for early expressions of democratic ideals in homer is the most naive of his claims. democracy did not arrive on the scene fully formed and out of nowhere, like some odysseus wrapped in a cloud of invisibility. democracy was an expression of certain ideals about good governance and powersharing--ideals that had been debated for centuries, often in fictional texts, before something called "democracy" could be put into effect. hopefully, as the semester goes on, the writer of this piece will see that those ideals continue to be debated even after athens implements a democratic constitution (athens along with other city states would experiment with monarchy and oligarchy even after they had embraced "democracy"). the moral of the story: historical processes like democracy have long lives with many twists and turns and their origins are hard to pin down, very often emerging in the places we least expect them. rolling your eyes is not a substitute for intellectual work.
this kid was accepted to columbia? seriously?
No. He was accepted Siriusly, by Howard Stern.
FINALLY, the voice of reason!
GREAT JOB VESAL!
My sentiments exactly! We certainly need a bit of humor to get through the core.. Thank you!
Come on, guys...pick at it all you want, but in the end, you know that there's always someone like in this every literature class you've ever taken...and unless that person was you (in which case, you're probably not reading this - you'd be too busy nursing your wounded ego), they probably annoyed you at some point. Accept the article in the spirit in which it was written; if you don't like it, hey, you're under no obligation to vote for it, and if you do like it, awesome, I did too, great job to Ves, yay life.
And no, I'm not the author. I am his friend, but that's beside the point.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahaahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha omfg hilarious. hhahahahahahahahahahaahahahah
C whUt eye Mean. thiS POast beLough hits tHE head write on THe naile. Go a hEaD & critiSizE whatEVer sppeLinG errerS ewe peePUl wAnT), But the POnit of tHEe poST is theare.?/ Brake a take, ewe know! LoOK at thE HooMer in Lief.
Ewe R pRoblaBlee a DrackewLa bcuZ u oNlee rigHt aT neight. Er a freeKen wherewOlf
pLeeze DEW knot reveAl myE IdnetiTy two otHERs. Eye nEde too rEmaNE annomnymus jUSt likee thE Rest of ewe.
HoWEver, iff I wEre An Where Wolff, eye tHeenK I WuoLd bEE ouT at kniGht sTalkIng yUng TeanagerS in LovE. its' a wElL gess, Tho :)
If any of you know this guy, get him before the sun goes down or else he'll be writing ALL night!
& Wuold taht brotHER ewe. bee CUz iff It didd, thAn thAT meeNS ewe wuold be uP All knIGht wreaDing my Poasts. I dew ApreshIate ur Support! Your a gewd Kid.
First of all:
all of you who really have enough time to be picking out grammar mistakes...please, fall back!
Secondly: the point of the article was to highlight the ridiculous manner in which many eager, over-acheiving students OVER DO IT. and pretty much everyone who has commented on the article, has definately over done it. it's probably out of insecurity, because someone's calling you out, forcing you to question whether you actually have a point when you talk....
but take it for what it is, and calm down.
to the author: it was funny, and well taken.
acheiving? over do? definately? What grammar school did you flunk out of? And, what are you doing here?
High, eye wiLL talE yUo whuT eYe've tOAld thEe utHers%
Neverr, enD an sCentese wiht a pREpuhShizun--Ewe cUold of sed, "Of what grammar school did you flunk out?"
aLSOo, bEe Cuz yu dind"t putt the wErds, "acheiving," "over do," and "defintately" en kwotaShuNs liek I juST did, it lOOks lke tHiEr yOu're own Werds. Tharefore, iT aPPears taht YUO haVe flUNked ouT of gRammEr skool. Of
As Winston Churchill said, after being corrected by a proofreader/editor for ending a sentence with a preposition: "This is the type of criticism up with which I will not put!"
Oh yeah, Eye thot AbuoT his kWote, bUTt eye phINd a sCenTinse lIek cherChhIll's couLD be re-fRaSed, "This is the type of criticism I will not tolerate!" EyE gett ole WinSton's scarCasM aND hooMEr, Butt> Thare's alLWayz a wEigh Around tHE prePOSIzutions at The edN.
End pLeeZe RemmeMber thaT eye Reelly doN't kare aBut thE GraMMMaar of Scentesnces uNleSS sOmewOn on thEEse fore-uMs miSSes teh Ponit uf the oRijinAl aRtickle and USes teh oporToonitEY two atacK peepul taht r Tryeing too Express a Opinyun *aBout the arTickle" & htat purSen Dont evEn has good proppEr Grammer tHEmself.
Sum peePLE just Gotta bee cAlled out, ewe no%
WeiGHT. BecUz I am A pefRectioNISt with mye rigHTing, I wANt two corrEkt my aDvice two you: Ewe cuold of sed, "Out of what grammar school did you flunk?" This IS BEcuz eye tHINk 'Out" is a pREpusizishun to.
BUTt, c what I mEan? Nun of ThiS is NEscesarrY. U muST lEArn two RESPECKT each Uther iin teh phoRUMs witHOut attakcing Each uthER. Oar ewe wiLL bee sKoolEd bye me. AnD tHAt'''s the mOast embarrAssintg Of all.
4:15 AM? It's all starting to make sense! Just kidding, ole buddy.
first of all: I wish we had a "track comments" thing, because while a lot of these comments go overboard, the only person who would waste their time defending against them is the author himself.
Everyone else subscribes to the very healthy school of "who gives a fuck?" so to the author: stop commenting on your own piece.
caN i aSk Sum of ewe pREtenshus MOFOs two stop AttAking aynwon taht doesn't right up to par? Eye could piont out sumThIng wrong wIth enny plost hEre witch is nOT grammeratically cORRect. Mehbe I shuld've sed, "That is not.." in stead of *witch*, butt ewe understand the pOnIt, write! Noboddy aiN)t perfECKt. I think the saim peepul cum two thease phoruMS sew theY loOK good bye critisizing other.s & u guys no what. aLl of yu hear r anomnymus and its realy a shaMe thAT vERballley asaultting uthers is the weigh inn wihtch ewe get ofF? Were is the lOVe at/
"Another typical Group Pompous Ass characteristic is the ability to say the simplest things in the most verbose, vomit-inducing way possible."
and yet the writer comes close to doing this themself, on several occasions. I rolled my eyes the whole way through...
High,
Ewe shUOld neVerr end a scEntese with A prepOzishun like (through".
and CApitilIzashun is iPmorTant, two.
**AND** "themself" iS knOT a Werd. BUT itS; aLL good bee cuZ eye no u wANted tWo Say, "HIMSELF." Oar mAbEe Evan, "HERSELF," buTT nEVer, Evver, "THEMSELF."
It es kiNDuH lIEk a kOntRAHdikshun--Maybe "THEMSELVES" iF Ewe werre tALKing Abuout mORe thEn won persOn.
oh-kee-doh-key<
yeaaaah that's the way, go on and on about bullshit technicalities, meanwhile ignoring the actual issue here.
eye upOLojize, ButT I kan't c the akcTuaL isshuE hear Bee cAuze sew Menny peopUL atAk eaCH otHER witH REetar, wreatard, reaturddED (*Few' So gLaad eye wUs abul tWo get That hard wErd Out) poASts.
meAnwiLE, CaN ewE teLl I whUt iss theE ActUally isSue. ThaNx an mIllyUn?
okay genius. and by the way, your TeXt SpEEk is really witty and hilarious. I am keeling over with laughter. anyway, the issue is that the author dresses up their language, somewhat unnecessarily, on several occassions. the point is, when you're criticising pomous asses for their over the top smart ass use of language, you should seriously avoid doing it yourself. the author didn't. that's the issue. now stop embarassing yourself in this shitty attempt to make a point.
KnoW, no, pHRiend, ewe missUnderStand my WItt. Eye ham MaKinng FuN of teh PeepUl tHat CRitisize grAmmeriSMs whYle it IS theigh hoo MIss hte pOnIt of The ArtIkle end dEW knot no The Propper Grammer themself.
iFf ewe noTice, I onlY ResPond too tkhe annonymous rigHtErs wItcH knneEd cOrrekshuNs thEmself, dIGG? I gaUt the PoiNTE of the ARtikle, bUTt its' uPearant ewe DoNt'' know no WItt.
End Iff ewe dIDn't boSS me ArOUnd )be cuz bee lieve mme, yOr angER dElites me, & enkorageS me/, i Wuldn't pheeL teh kneed to POint out two ewe that yu mISpelLed "embarassing." U C, nORMally eye Don't care aBut spEllinG errurs, But you Haev sUCh an Raige to DEgrade mEe & mis mye poinT of mY poAsts. Sew, tat four tit, EWE kant' speLl.
I bett ur REally, Reely goodd looking, Tho, & haVE ententIONS to bild Centres four KIds hoo kaN"t read good. WErk ur Bloo Steal, BAybee.
AnD Chek four Uther spEllIng erRors yuo Have. I'lll let IT be a Game fore yu. Eye kNOW it kIlls ewe INsidE. Butt aGain, JUst werk the Blue Steele LOok & u'll Be set 4 leif. HopEfool-ey.
I was talking to the author personally and he wants you to add him on facebook because he thinks you're hilarious.
How does one talk to the author "impersonally?"
it was more like "personally" as in face-to-face.
also, please get a life.
Ordered "life" but it is no longer publishing. Ever notice that half the people you know are below average?
Me thEEnks thaT ewe noTis halph of teh pEepul yu no r beeLOw aVeraje bECuz yu feal sUpeRior two theM. jUSt an gEsss"
I do not feel superior, not even to imbeciles. I am a Frisbeetarian. I believe that at death, each soul rises up to a roof and stays there for eternity. Together!
WrigHT on, BrotHerr! Eye like tWo playe frIsbee to /
when did I criticize grammar?
and does it make you feel really big that you can spell better than me? I'm not a writer and I'm crap at spelling. I don't pretend otherwise. but you got the idea of my criticism, that the writer, in my opinion, was bordering on hypocritical. that's all I wanted to say, and I'm sure you got it, so move on. Unless you're suggesting that nobody can have criticisms of someone else's writing unless they themselves are a Wordsworth? so then wine tasters and art critics should be as good if not better than their subjects? Then I guess all those people who spend their lives doing that shit should just retire right now.
Who are you anyway, and why are you still here making these crappy attacks? please don't tell me you're the author of this, but I can't imagine why anyone else would care this much.
Correct! Wine- tasters are NOT better than their subjects. Good wine is inestimably better than any wine-taster. Especially if the taster's nose runs and his legs are hairy. And I'm sure that you can spell better than me can spell.
Er dude.... obviously I meant the winemaker. so that is quite a legitimate comparison. unless of course you are desperately searching for the most trivial ways to elevate yourself above me. good news is, you tried, bad news is, you failed. move on sunshine.
Only trying to have some fun with a little wordplay. Nothing personal here, especially since the Spec posts everything as anonymous. Happy Sunday! Really.
K bro. peace out.
Take a fucking chill pill, kid.
btw the chill pill was for the guy who was below me ... the guy saying it was "atrocious" blah blah talk shit every day i doooooo
This was atrocious. As pretentious as the people he claims to be lampooning, and holier-than-thou, which adds insult to injury. Not this one, Spec, please.
Yu soUNDe like a acTual krItick, tHE weigh ewe rigHT in-KumPleate senTances. VarY ^RolliNG sToane MAggazene-like.
Too thUms up%
Im in SEAS, so WTF to this whole thing... and quite artistic of you Ves, for your semplace prose to weed out the VES-tiges of your pomposity. Or maybe Im wrong, are you just one in hiding? Perhaps the avante garde disguised by your aussie upbringing.
As for the subject matter, Im sure many would agree, as physists and scientists ourselves, have our own hierarchy of Pompous asses, of whom I do claim membership, and it parallels some points mentioned in your article.
and to the comment that
'the kids just dumb' at least he knows some grammar...
and apparently the guy who wrote verbal diarrhea had some, -- sorry what were u gonna say again???
Stop the drugs. A disintegrating mind is a terrible waste of time.
YOU'VE SPOKEN THE THOUGHTS OF MANY DISTRESSD FRESHMEN!
Did you mean UNDRESSD?
The article's pretty good. Every class every year has a bunch of pompous asses, and a few months into the semster you realize that the kid sitting next to you, who'd sounded like (s)he was speaking out of a thesaurus and had these high, lofty, intellectual-sounding opinions, is actually just trying his best not to let everyone know how hungover (s)he is.
Additionally, in response to the quote:
"the kids just dumb."
If you're going to call someone dumb, at least use propper grammer to avoid making yourself look dumber. What you meant to say was "The kid's just dumb.", and what you should have said was "I'm just dumb."
High two ewe,
heaR r mY thoUGhts on ur PosT--
#1/ tHe sEcound scenTense of You'res is to muCh of an Run/oN, witch eyE had TWo reed tWice too uNDersTand it. AnD eye StilL doN;t?
@2) if ewE tale sOMewon too uSe *propper grammer" yOU shuld Spell it PROPER GRAMMAR.
#3( Yu r wrITe wen yoU enFOrm alL of us WHut waSs menT byE; "The kid's just dumb.", & eye gUEs this wAs in Caise wee din't no, bUTt parte OF Goood grAmmerisM is knOT puttiNG tHE peRIod bee fouR the kwoTashUn & also AddINgg an CommA at teh end.
o, mYe badd. i aLso mEaNtt too tale ewe aNuthER wEll poInt of "PROPPER GRAMMER":
UR laSst kwoat:
"and what you should have said was "I'm just dumb."
---thIs, knEEds an komma Afterr "was*
Amen to THAT!
Democracy didn't really emerge until much later on (200-300 years later? or more? not sure) as you just mentioned... so although it may have had a hand in it developing, my point was that I don't think the Iliad really worked under a democratic gov't. Just a thought.
Ves
As a pompous ass myself, allow me to note that the example about the Iliad relating to democratic society is not really all that anachronistic — though the text and its mythical setting precede the Greek conception of direct democracy, the Iliad had such pivotal significance in the civilization that eventually developed the Western idea of democracy as we know it that it hardly seems out of bounds, nor pompous, to attempt to localize a discussion of Homer within that context. Or as Vesal would no doubt prefer that I phrase it, "Greece was totally a democracy, and like such as the Iliad is a hella representative framework for the political system that developed later."
By the way, I'd never say "hella". What the hell is that anyway? My Australian ignorance seeps through... :P
Ha.
At least I got a reaction out of some tantalizing Pompous Ass. Some people have no sense of humor because they are obviously way too high-strung.
PS The larger point of this essay was to address the issue of control within the LitHum class at the expense of harmless humoring of the Group Pompous Ass (ie. ourselves, since we are all part of that group at one point or another).
What is it with this additional leaden prose?
I'm a freshman and I agree with this guy. The amount of shit that dribbles out of peoples mouths in my lithum class is unbelievable.
Well, if you're on lithium, it's probably lithium dribbling out.
"Well, if you're on lithium, it's probably lithium dribbling out."
.........hahaha. Eye wus thInkINg teh Saime tHIng.
"I'm so happy/cuz today I found my friends."
This is juvenile, and scarcely less pompous than the asses under discussion.
"he's worse than the people he... forgot it." forgot it? Nice one, Chomsky.
take the pole out of your asses you lot below me and stop picking on first years.
i thought it was hella funny. don't be offended for being in Group Pompous Ass!!!
haha. I bet this kid hasn't gotten a paper back yet. He's going to be Columbia road kill. What a tool. Please don't let him write. he's worse than the people he...forgot it. the kids just dumb.
Was this construed as publishable, or do the people who run the spec not care?
Jesus Christ! Don't let this dude (or dude-ess) anywhere near a typewriter. Talk about verbal diarrhea...
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