Return of the Mailbag

And it’s back.

For all of you who have cried miserably in the absence of the Mailbag, you may now put down your box of Kleenex and regain your sanity. In your trembling hands is the second annual Mailbag column, complete with nonofficial Spectator responses to all of your pressing queries.

I have personally combed through the more than a dozen e-mails received by Spectator Sports over the past month, selecting only the best. So if your question did not make it into print this time, don’t worry—keep sending those e-mails. More Mailbag columns are in the pipeline, and Spectator Sports carefully reads each reader response. And now, time for the questions.

The women’s soccer team competed for the Ivy title in 2005, won it all in 2006, and looks strong again in 2007. Should Spectator be calling the team a “dynasty” at this point?—Tom, CC ’08
No, not at all. The team had a fantastic, remarkable season last year, which nothing can diminish. But calling the team a dynasty? That’s wishful thinking. Teams that are true dynasties win multiple titles in short periods of time. Columbia, so far, has won one title with a senior-laden team, which means the real challenge will come this year and the next, as the team tries to reload. So unless the women’s soccer team wins a few more Ivy titles, it will be known as a strong, successful Columbia program. Just not a dynasty.

Who is going to win the Ivy League in football this year?—Jeffrey, CC ’08
Yale, without a doubt. Not only do the Elis posses the league’s best player—running back Mike McLeod—but they have completely dismantled their opponents this season, outscoring teams 167-53. Just how dominant has Yale been? Put it this way: betting against Yale this season is tantamount to invading Russia through Poland in the winter. It might seem like a novel idea, and there might be much to gain, but the strategy is flawed. Horribly so.

I played volleyball in high school, and I have been thinking about walking onto the team. Can you tell me exactly how good the team is? I was just an above-average player in high school, so I want to know if I could play here, or if I would just ride the bench.—Steph, SEAS ’11
I won’t pretend to know whether or not you’d be able to play here, or if you would really want to join an athletic team in the first place (being an athlete on this campus is time-consuming and physically draining—you would really have to love the sport to commit yourself). As for the volleyball team, it clearly could use some help. The team has a 3-11 record and has only 11 players currently listed on the roster. So if you joined, even if you were absolutely terrible, you could be an immediate asset. With 12 players, the team would finally be able to scrimmage itself in practice.

I was reading some of archived stories about past Homecomings, but I could not find much about the event itself, only about the football game on the field. I don’t understand the game of football, but I think I might like to see the spectacle anyway. Would it be worth it for me to go?—Obayana, CC ’10
In the words of one former Spectator columnist: Absofuckinglutely. You don’t have to know anything about football to enjoy Homecoming—you might just have to develop the taste for cheap booze. If you go, you will have a good time. I promise.

Before this season, Spectator said that the football team would finish anywhere from 6-4 to 7-3. The team is now 1-3 and looking shaky. What happened?—Kamil, SEAS ’09
Due to personal conflicts of interest, I cannot comment on the Columbia team directly. But I will offer some general points. Setting the expectations bar at 7-3 is extremely high for any program that has achieved only one non-losing record in the previous decade—no matter the potential, setting the bar so high can only lead to disappointment. And when injuries hit, especially injuries that affect key players, the team’s outlook can change dramatically. Just ask the Atlanta Falcons.

What would happen if Columbia played a football game with a school from one of the nation’s best conferences like, say, the Big Ten? I know that we are Division I-AA, but how much of a difference is there between the two leagues? Would we get crushed?—J.D., CC ’08
Of course Columbia would get crushed, through no fault of its own. According to one of the CC ’07 senior football captains with whom I spoke, there is an enormous difference between the two leagues (which seems obvious). This source said that, in his opinion, a game between an Ivy team and a Big Ten team would quickly turn into a massacre, probably in the first quarter. The discrepancy between the leagues makes perfect sense if you think about it, though. High school seniors go to Ohio State if they want to be God for four years and then sell used cars for the rest of their lives. High school seniors go to Harvard if they want to live a crappy life for four years and then rule the world afterward. So in light of the fact that the Ivies already dominate everything in life that is important to us—like getting good jobs, writing important books, and becoming national leaders—ceding football to the state schools seems like the least we can do.

Why is Scott Hughes so good at Pixbox?—Scott, CC ’08
Ok, so maybe I sent this question myself. But was that wrong? Possibly. In all seriousness, I would say that Scott is leading the Pixbox because Scott possesses the rugged determination that is required to win the decathlon of weekly picks. He knows football, and most importantly, his competition is terribly anemic.

Sad though it may seem, the reader feedback train has again reached its stopping point. So until next time, keep those letters and e-mails coming.