Watching Chin-ups at Dodge

This past summer the gym started calling my name. It was subtle at first. “Jelani, maybe you should add a little muscle to fill out your 6-foot-1-inch frame.”

I ignored it.

Next the calls became a little louder. “If you’re getting tired walking up this set of steps, then maybe you should be doing some cardio work.”

I ignored the obvious again.

Finally, about a month ago, I was hospitalized with chest pain. Going through that experience basically forced me to get my ass into the Dodge Fitness Center. The incident wasn’t really that serious, but it definitely caused me to think about my health and relish my youth.

I’ve always thought that I was the epitome of physical fitness. OK, maybe not the epitome, but I’ve always been a physically active dude. I played competitive organized sports all the way up to college, and I’ve stayed active here at Columbia. I’m tall and slim, and I’ve been blessed with a fast metabolism (trust me, I’m grateful). As far as I was concerned, everything was cool.

There’s always room for error when dealing with human perspective, however. The reality is, I have spent the last two years subsisting on a diet that’s dominated by Philly cheesesteaks, pizza, cheeseburgers, omelets (with excessive bacon and cheese), and an insane amount of JJ’s. That’s the Rosie O’Donnell diet. That’s the type of diet that causes fat kids to end up on television shows with Shaquille O’Neal. That diet coupled with hard drugs and alcohol caused Britney Spears to lose her children.

So about three weeks ago I finally started hitting the gym on a regular basis. I’ve been going five days a week without fail, and, to my surprise, I’m actually starting to like it. I was thinking about what it is that makes people become gym regulars, and I came up with a number of theories.

For starters, there is the purely narcissistic aspect of working out—apparently lifting weights gets you buff. Apparently getting buff is sexy. And apparently being sexy is what’s hot these days, ever since Justin Timberlake brought it back.

Working out has also been known to help people build their self-esteem. I guess that’s cool, but I don’t know if I buy into that theory. I mean what’s the difference between being skinny and socially awkward, fat and socially awkward, and brawny and socially awkward? Hmm... nothing. If people really want to break out of their social cocoons, lifting dumbbells in an underground gym with sweaty guys isn’t necessarily the best way to achieve that goal. But hey, that’s just my opinion.

I think that the adrenaline rush and subsequent feeling of achievement is the No. 1 reason people come to the gym on a regular basis. That’s definitely my favorite part of working out. Every time I leave Dodge I feel like I’ve accomplished something tangible. It’s the same feeling I get after I finish writing a long essay, cooking a big meal, or reading a good book. It feels good to take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and reflect on the fact that your hard work is finished.

A regular hobby of mine at Dodge is people-watching. Sometimes I just stand back and watch people coerce themselves through strenuous activity. Last week there was this one ridiculous guy doing chin-ups in the weight room. He was wearing sandals, and he had a huge mullet. He looked like the Macho Man Randy Savage, only whiter and skinnier. During each set of chin-ups he would make really loud, long, deep moans, and after each set he jumped around the room talking to himself. It was pure comedy. I had never seen him before in my life, and I’ll probably never see him again, but Macho Man, if you’re reading this, you know who you are.

Basically, I felt like writing about working out because I’m proud of myself. A little shameless self-promotion never hurt anybody. They say that the hardest part about dedicating yourself to a workout schedule is sticking with it for the first month. OK, I made that up, but I know from personal experience that during the first month, it is exceedingly difficult to motivate yourself to get in the gym. If I can do this, anyone can, because trust me, I’m a lazy dude sometimes. So if you’re considering starting a workout plan, I suggest you stop procrastinating and make it happen. I’ll leave you with this quote from rapper Phonte of the group Little Brother: “Each day is another chance to do the things I would’ve done the day before but didn’t and know I should’ve.” Take it to heart, people.