This past Saturday I woke up around 11:30, took a shower, checked my fantasy basketball team, and proceeded to get dressed. After throwing on some jeans, kicks, two T-shirts, a sweater, scarf, jacket, and hat, I hopped on the 1 train and went uptown. Despite Columbia’s 0-6 Ivy League record, I was optimistic as I traveled up to Baker Field for the last game of the season.

I felt obligated to attend Columbia’s final football game of 2007. Living in the alternate reality that is West Harlem (what the hell is Morningside Heights?), it’s easy to forget that there is a whole world out there where some people live and breathe college football. At schools like Ohio State, LSU, and Michigan, Saturdays have all the features of a holiday—passion, camaraderie, family, friends, alcohol, and excessive amounts of food. You’re only in college once, and you only get a few chances to go to your home field and cheer for your university. That being said, I was excited about watching some football on a brisk November day.

During the game, the Columbia football team treated me the way a stripper treats her patrons—they disappointed me, then got me excited, only to disappoint me again. Columbia let Brown go ahead 21-0 in the first quarter and went into halftime down 24-3. Norries Wilson must have done his best impression of Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday during halftime, because we dominated Brown in the third quarter. As the seagulls slowly flew within arms’ reach of the crowd, the fans were getting energized. During Eugene Edwards’ fourth-quarter fumble return, all 27 Columbia fans in attendance were hollering in adoration. That feeling of adoration didn’t last, however, as Brown proceeded to kick a couple of security field goals and shut out Columbia for the rest of the half. Craig Hormann developed a case of the “Rex Grossman syndrome.” He threw three interceptions in Columbia’s last four drives. The loss ended Columbia’s season and secured a final record of 1-9, 0-7 in the Ivy League.

When I left the game, I was befuddled by a variety of things.

For starters, the fact that we didn’t win a game in the Ivy League all year is perplexing. How do you go defeated in the Ivy League? It’s ridiculous on so many levels. I feel like a Miami Dolphins fan. Hell, Miami just brought back Ricky “Pass That Dutch” Williams—maybe Columbia should be trying to bring back Chad “Southern Finest” Musgrove.

Secondly, I know that this topic has been beaten to death, but what do we have to do in order to get more fans to come to home games? No exaggeration—there were just about as many Brown fans in attendance on Saturday as there were Columbia fans. If those non-requirement-having hippies can come all the way from Providence to upper Manhattan, the least we can do is take the 1 train 10 stops uptown.

There was so much talk coming into the year about the football team building a dynasty and dominating their opponents. From what I saw this year, we deserve to be demoted to Division III. Our only win came against Marist. MARIST! When your only win of the season comes against a small liberal arts college in Poughkeepsie, it’s probably time to step back and re-evaluate your approach to the game.

At the end of the day I was able to get off campus and watch some live college football. No matter what Columbia’s record, that fact alone should be enough to draw fans to Baker Field. However, that wasn’t the case. The perpetual mediocrity that is Columbia football had me feeling queasy. I left Baker Field on Saturday feeling cold, hungry, angry, tired, and frustrated.

Thank God it’s basketball season.

Jelani Johnson is a Columbia College sophomore majoring in history. He can be reached at sports@columbiaspectator.com.