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Cruel to be Kind
PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 30, 2007
I overheard a conversation at the Hungarian Pastry shop a few weeks ago. Two first-years were talking about their classes. “The student’s mother called in to complain that the professor was mean to her kid in French class,” the girl commented. This was quite a shock to hear after my memories of French school and even international school, where we were not allowed to swear in class, wear a hat indoors, talk back to our teachers, or complain about criticism. Having once sat through a class in which a classmate was openly made fun of for misspelling his name on an exam, and had every terrible grade declared for everyone to hear for a year straight, I could not believe that I was hearing about parents calling a university about an incident of “meanness.” I learned as much sitting by the trash can (capital punishment in the first grade) as I did actually doing my homework. It’s called character building. It’s called learning when to shut up.
My first philosophy class at Columbia was a lecture taught by a stern and opinionated Professor B. Somewhat unkempt, perpetually late, and very impatient, he was everything I expected from a philosophy professor. Professor B. made no attempt to hide that he would much rather be philosophizing with the greats than introducing confused undergraduates to elementary existentialism, but for three hours a week I sat in awe and silence, not daring to comment for fear of insulting his intelligence and being publicly ridiculed by his biting responses. Only the bravest ever asked questions, and they often ended up regretting it and feeling dumb. It made us think twice before wasting everyone’s time with the inevitable reduction ad Hitlerums, and most importantly, forced us to consider our own views critically before voicing them.
Professor B remains one of the few professors I’ve had class with who, to put it crudely, has “balls” and he has left more of an impression than any friendly TA ever could. He made me want to major in philosophy, and he probably doesn’t even know my name. I believe that people would learn more if they weren’t coddled by their teachers—if there was something at stake every time they thought it was a good idea to give their two cents. Teachers would also teach better if they didn’t feel the need to be as inoffensive as possible and to take every ridiculous statement or question beginning with “I feel” seriously. Professors are entitled to their opinion—this is, after all, what got them a job at a university—and students need to learn how to deal with this without running to their parents or to the administration and complaining about it.
It’s not that there’s a problem with being friendly with professors; it’s great that some professors get along with students so well. The problem is that it’s almost as though faculty members are expected to be everyone’s buddy. And it’s not just professor-student relations: I have found that in America everyone is expected to be everyone’s buddy. Now, I apologize if you find this rude, but if I have not met you, I am not your buddy. If I am in a position of authority over you and it is my responsibility to teach you something, I am not obligated to be your buddy. And if I am a professor and you come to class in pajamas, pay no attention to what I am saying, and ask idiotic questions without thinking about what you’re saying, I am most certainly not your buddy!
The casualness of relationships in America is refreshing. I love talking to strangers; it’s great when I can have a laugh with someone after just a handshake. It gets a little weird when friends of friends tell you about their sex life within minutes of introducing themselves, but it’s not all that bothersome so long as they hold the details. Casualness is great in a casual context if it’s sincere, not forced. But the over-friendly cult of universalized perkiness leads to passive-aggressive behavior, misunderstandings, and fakeness. How are you supposed to tell someone they’re doing something completely wrong at work if you habitually call them “sweetie” and compliment them on their shoes? Is it even possible for a professor to tell a student he or she is simply missing the point when the student is too used to praise and may take offense or make a scene?
Life would be boring if we all agreed on everything, and education is meaningless if we constantly regress to niceties and relativism. School shouldn’t be about getting praised or validated—it should be a rewarding intellectual workout. The days of classroom tyrants have been replaced by grade inflation and extensions. And while canes and lashings—both literal and metaphorical—may be a little harsh for our sensitive student body, a dunce cap in every classroom would provide wonderful incentive to think just that much harder.
Atossa Abrahamian is a Columbia College senior majoring in philosophy.
The Children of Marx and Coca-Cola runs alternate Fridays.
Specopinion@columbia.eduM
Sadly, the French and international schools didn't teach my buddy to focus his/her arguments because I'm at a loss for which one of the many vagaries in the "Cruel to be Kind" piece I should address first. Also, too bad, professor B's tactics to force students to critically examine views "before voicing them" fell short here. Maybe my buddy needs to throw on a dunce cap and spend more quality time next to the trash can, listening to graphic details of my non-existent sex life...that'll teach him/her for sharing these not so well thought out two cents. Given my buddy's fondness for cruel pedagogy, I should probably continue making bad jokes at his/her expense, but appeasing my buddy's taste would be kind, and it's cruel to be kind, so, instead, I should be kind because that is cruel, but cruel is kind here, so I should be kind because that is cruel...oy
Catch-22 or not, I am an unapologetic advocate of kindness. That's not to say "I feel" the need to curb or sugar coat criticism, but I think that an exaggerated show of harshness and absence of empathy is equally bogus, patronizing and perhaps more harmful than any platitudes and niceties that test my patience. Brilliance is a shoddy excuse for below the belt criticism, and, while the latter may signal impatience, more often than not it's a transparent signifier of insecurity, immaturity and thoughtlessness. Professors B's unkempt attire is acceptable because she/he is brilliant, but pajama wearing dimwits are abominable? Also, thank G_d for professors who compel their students to be better, but why the stern professor versus friendly TA analogy? Why not compare the stern professor with a friendly professor? why does the stern individual outrank the friendly individual? More rubbish picked up during childhood trash time: "Not daring to comment for fear of insulting...(professor's) intelligence", "regretting (asking questions) and feeling dumb." Occasionally, I ask my cousin's 9-year-old for her take on banal as well grand matters, and when she offers her two cents, I pay attention, not to humor her but because I hope to learn something from her.
Lastly, perhaps I'm being sensitive or passive-aggressive towards the writer because after taking issue with many of her/his points, I feel obliged to point out that she/he raises an important debate. Although I cannot deploy expertise on teaching methods, I feel compelled to challenge the "cruel to be kind" delusion that many in our disciplinary society entertain. Constructive criticism is necessary; however, the only thing taking up residence next to the trash can builds is future visits to the shrink. It would be comforting to know that penitentiaries or "das Arschloch des Teufels" (German for "the devil's asshole") disguised as pedagogical institutions are perishing, but the proliferation of snarky news anchors is enough to suggest that they are alive and well, even in this day and age.
"Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It is round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies — "God damn it, you've got to be kind." ~Kurt Vonnegut
I think it's necessary to draw the line between actual belittlement (which is ineffective - and unnecessary if you're intelligent about how you dress someone down) and criticism/correction. The former is meant to be insulting and is generally blatantly obvious (i.e., hits you over the head). It's crude. And if you're smart, you don't need to do that to insult someone - there are much more subtle ways of doing so. But there's a world of difference between doing that and picking apart an opinion in discussion - taking someone's statement or question and pulling the logic apart to show the flaws. That's educational, and sometimes necessary, when the person speaking honestly can't see the mistakes they're making. And thinking about it, I usually appreciate the later in the end. Maybe I don't in class, when I'm feeling stupid in front of everyone, but afterward, you realize that it was good - because it made you fix what you were doing wrong (which is why you're there in the first place, to learn whatever the subject is). The latter just helps a professor do their job that much more effectively. The former has no place in a classroom.
And either way, by the time you get to college, you should be old enough to deal with getting insulted. If you're enough of an adult to live reasonably independently in a large city, you're enough of an adult to accept that sometimes people will insult you, and sometimes there's nothing you can really do about it, other than be the bigger person and move on.
There's a difference between being told you're incorrect and given a thorough, professional answer as to why you're wrong than being belittled and mortified in front of a group of your peers. Don't tell me that there aren't teachers here who are just snide, aloof, and possibly masking incompetence with their bad attitude, and that could be what was going on with the French teacher. Columbia students are already under enough stress without the added pressure of being afraid to discuss and engage in a subject that they would otherwise have been very interested in. While I'm not sure involving your mother would be the best way to deal with the situation, it should still have been dealt with in some manner. Plus, I'm all for tough love, but I'm not paying $50k a year for a trumped-up academic to make me want to cry in front of 20-200 of my classmates.
A dunce cap would be a wonderful incentive to think? Really? I thought a sense of common courtesy in the classroom wasn't at odds with an education and that criticism didn't have to accompanied by gratuitous ridicule. Perhaps I'm one of these idiots who needs to wear a dunce cap for thinking such a ridiculous thing. As we all know, we should never ask questions, never express an opinion, and when we dare to open our mouths in the classroom and say something slightly incorrect we should fully expect to be shot down because we should already know everything. That is what being an educated person is about.
go cry to your mommy!
Of course. Having reasonable expectations of decorum means I am emotionally unstable and must cry to my mommy. Thank you for both your advice and your insightful argument.
Seriously though, this whole "holier than thou because I don't talk in class and thus protect my carefully sheltered ego" business is out of hand. Get over it. If you don't talk in class because you don't think what you have to say is the most profound piece of wisdom ever conceived by man, you obviously exhibit the same insecurity as people who do talk in class and can't handle the criticism they receive as a result. Constructive criticism is helpful, hence the word "constructive." Shocking, right? There's no need for ridicule to make criticism effective. If you don't have a complete grasp of whatever the material is, take a freaking risk and say something about it in class. Unless your professor is a jerk, you just might, like, learn something.
well said, i've thought about this before, but this was a thought provoking article, articulated many of my thoughts well, and makes me want to take a dunce cap to class and slip it on someone (or myself) once in a while.
Why any tenured faculty member wouldn't tell the parent to "Fuck off" and then hang up the phone is beyond me.
This is an excellent piece, and I wholeheartedly agree with the author. While there is indeed much to be said for the value of interaction with professors in an informal manner, American students appear to have a hard time accepting criticism. Dude, how are you ever going to learn and build on your skills if you don't get a severe tongue-lashing when you open your mouth and say something asinine?
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