Heating Up the Common Room Kitchen

Columbia students may not date, but they still know a thing or two about the labors of love, judging by the creations found at the Columbia Culinary Society’s first annual post-Valentine’s Day Erotic Cake Competition last Friday.

Cakes were evaluated on a point scale in three categories: taste, originality, and “level of arousal.” Although the atmosphere of the competition was decidedly lighthearted, contestants clearly put a lot of effort into their creations—in more than a few cases, bakers created test versions of their cakes to make sure that the various structures and appendages of the cake would not go flaccid.

Although almost all cakes were explicit visual representations of genitalia, the competition’s standouts went all out. The “Cooter Cake,” a salacious production baked by a group of sophomores, was a split-top pound cake dripping with homemade rose-pink icing and strawberries in the middle. “We made it as wet—I mean moist—as possible,” one of the bakers said.

The “Hermaphrodite, or Best of Both Worlds Cake” and the “Shaft in a Box­—Welcome to McBain Cake” rounded out the pornographic representation of genitalia entries. Artfully crafted from a yellow jam cake with raspberry preserves, the “Shaft in a Box Cake” was perhaps the most explicit of the submissions. Winning extra points from the judges for their efforts to construct the vagina from actual cake instead of simply frosting and the creative idea of molding a penis out of Rice Krispies Treats, the “Shaft in a Box Cake” bakers took first prize.

A classic chocolate cake with Greek yogurt frosting, the “Hermaphrodite Cake” was detail-oriented and delicious, and went on to receive third place in the competition for its quality flavor, superb texture, and inclusive theme.

Other standouts included the “Domicaketrix Cake,” a spice cake which took second prize for its “interesting subtle flavor” and artistic rendering of a dominatrix on top, the “Tracy Leches Cake,” a tres leches confection molded into two breasts with caramel nipples and a red demi-cup bra made out of Fruit Roll-Ups, and the “Sexy Al Roker Cake,” a brownie cake portrayal of the NBC weather anchor scantily clad in a hot pink thong.

With about 15 contestants and plenty of bystanders looking to get some (cake), Culinary Society President Christopher Yang said that he hopes to turn the Erotic Cake Competition into an annual tradition.

After each cake was photographed and documented, the judges cut in to get a taste. “Make sure you get the inner and outer labia,” one baker called out, trying to maximize his chances.

Erotica never tasted so sweet.