It’s surprising that more Columbia fans don’t go to away games. One of Columbia’s best sports assets is that every other Ivy League college is a manageable trip from New York City. Penn, Princeton and Yale are all quick train rides costing under $25. The Chinatown buses go to Cambridge and Providence for about the same price. There are always cheap Greyhound fares to Ithaca. Getting to Dartmouth is as simple as harnessing a few sled dogs—dachsunds work in a pinch—and heading northward.
With men’s basketball poised to sweep Penn and Princeton on their turf and spring sports starting up, now is a great time to get away from campus and support Columbia’s sports teams. As an added incentive to get out of Morningside Heights for a day, there’s some exceptional fast food near each campus, and since I’m too hungry and too lazy to come up with a real column, here are some places worth visiting at halftime.
Abner’s Cheesesteaks has been sponsoring Penn athletics for the last 10 years. If the Quaker basketball team scores more than 100 points in a game, everyone with a ticket stub gets a free cheesesteak. In another Penn food tradition, fans fling toast on to the field as they sing “Here’s a toast to dear old Penn” at football games. So there are two chances for free food at Penn sporting events, which is great for Columbia students, who are all either prepping for, or recovering from, a hunger strike.
The most noteworthy fast food at Princeton is also a cheesesteak. When I visited a friend after the football game last fall, I was told to order “The Heartstopper” from Hoagie Heaven on Nassau Street. The sandwich is a cheesesteak topped with fried eggs, bacon, and mozzarella cheesesticks. It was false advertising on their part, as my heart is doing fine, and only my liver and kidneys are failing.
My friend didn’t order anything, so I was left hanging around the pristine campus trying to finish this disgusting slab of cheese and grease by myself. All these dignified Princeton students were asking me questions about Columbia, and all I could do was mumble feral animal noises as I tried to fight off a coma. Hoagie Heaven is a trap.
Yale lays claim to two of the best fast food meals on earth. One is a pizza place in downtown New Haven called Sally’s. It has an amazing clam and garlic pizza, but it’s always crowded. The other spot in New Haven is Louis’ Lunch, which claims to have invented the hamburger in 1900. They broil burgers on a vertical rack that has been there since the place opened. Interestingly, ketchup is forbidden.
New Haven’s hamburger joint may win on tradition, but Mr. Bartley’s Burger Cottage in Cambridge is the best in terms of quality. Most of Harvard’s athletic facilities are across the river in Boston, but a great time to go to Bartley’s would be in October, during the Head of the Charles Regatta. The Bartley’s menu has about 20 different kinds of burgers—generally a bad thing— but they use great ingredients, and the focus is on the beef.
Brown has one of the more creative fast food places, called Spike’s Junkyard Dogs. They sell a ton of variations on the hot dog. There’s a Reuben dog, a pizza dog, and a Mexican dog, but the best is a Chicago-style dog with pickles, hot peppers, tomatoes, and mustard. They sold these at the Brown football stadium, which is about ten miles from campus, so the place is definitely popular.
Ithaca doesn’t have much in the way of distinctive fast food. However, there is a great restaurant in the Statler Hotel, which is the training ground for students in Cornell’s School of Hotel Administration. I stayed there three years ago, and had awesome pancakes for breakfast. The Statler could be the best bet for food after a game, but there’s something very creepy about being waited on by Cornell undergrads. If the Lions win, it would not be a good idea to order from the Statler restaurant while wearing a Columbia t-shirt.
The best way to get a good meal at Dartmouth is to get up very early and set up camp along the western frontier of campus. Herds of caribou migrate here to feed on switch-grass and drink from the mountain streams. If it’s early enough, Dartmouth’s best hunters will still be hungover, leaving ample time to spear a big buck. Finding fire in Hanover can sometimes be an issue, so make sure to bring matches.
Honestly, Dartmouth may have the best fast food place of any Ivy League campus.
It’s called Lou’s and is famous for pancakes. I tried to go during homecoming, but the place was completely mobbed. I ate hot dogs at the game instead, and then wandered around campus making feral animal noises—not because I had eaten too much, but because that’s what they do up there.
Taylor Harwin is a Columbia College senior majoring in economics and French. Sports@columbiaspectator.com