Yoga’s Influence Can No Longer Be Denied

Because of a sudden emergency, Joshua “Offside” Robinson couldn’t write his column for today, so I stepped up in his place. (Josh, Dr. Gorsline is the finest proctologist in New York City. We all wish you the best.)

Yoga has had a difficult time stretching itself to fit mainstream sports culture. Perhaps the problem started when Jimmy Buffett sang that you could only drink piña coladas if you were “not into yoga,” and “had half-a-brain.” Yoga is an indisputable asset in developing peak physical fitness, but pro athletes have had dubious results when they publicly associate themselves with it.

Former Oakland A’s pitcher and current San Francisco Giant Barry Zito has been seen doing yoga postures in the outfield before games, and he is popularly depicted as a renegade hippy. Former Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams is a certified yoga instructor, and he was shipped out to the CFL. Granted, five positive marijuana tests may have contributed to the move (Ricky Williams is most definitely a renegade hippy).

In the days before the most recent Super Bowl, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced that power yoga was integral in developing the flexibility and focus he needed to compete in the NFL. The key thing to note in Brady’s announcement is that he waited until he had three championship rings and an 18-0 record before he would dare mention yoga as a factor in his success. When the Patriots proceeded to lose to the Giants in the 4th quarter, yoga was quite possibly set back twenty years, which is unfortunate, because I am a huge fan.

Part of the disconnect between yoga and mainstream sports is that a lot of people take it be more than it is: a formalized system of stretching and breathing. Jimmy Buffett would have you believe that doing yoga automatically makes you a freegan communist who plays the ukulele. My parents have done Bikram hot yoga for the last five years, and my dad’s conclusion is that it’s essentially what Indians did when they wanted to get ripped but didn’t have any weights.

This is a pretty accurate statement. Yoga as a whole is a means for generating the physical and mental state needed to meditate. Bikram yoga is probably the most welcoming form of yoga for athletes. Dan Marino and John McEnroe are noted enthusiasts. In Bikram yoga, there’s a total ban on anything that could be qualified as “kooky eastern shenanigans.” I’ve done it about twice a month since coming to Columbia, and hopefully by describing a typical class, I can dispel some of the myths surrounding the “Y” word.

The entrance to Bikram Yoga NYC is adjacent to an off-track betting parlor on 72nd street and Broadway. The lobby has a fountain and some yoga magazines on racks. Other than that, the place looks (and smells) like a gym. A typical afternoon class is a mix of people from midtown on their long lunch breaks, insanely good-looking girls, insanely fit old people, and serious athletes. I met a former Seahawks practice squad tailback once, and also a former UVA lacrosse player. The studio is heated to about 100 degrees, so you start sweating the moment you walk in.

The teacher asks everyone’s name and then you start. She says where to point your elbow or stick your head, and you roll with it. There’s no mention of karma, dharma, or Gandhi. There are 26 different postures, and each one has two sets. Unlike weightlifting or running, yoga is the great equalizer, as muscular guys are outpaced by older women, and there’s always some girl who looks like she’s twelve years old who contorts herself in some freakish shape and levitates twenty minutes into class. The class lasts exactly 90 minutes, and when it’s over, you feel like you’ve just run a marathon.

The athletic benefits of Bikram yoga become clear in an instant. You spend thirty minutes of class balancing on one leg. The standing knee has to be completely locked out, which creates an insane hamstring stretch that you could never get by sprinting or doing squats at the gym. Consider that the next time Ricky Williams darts like a rabbit past you (even though he’s probably running from DEA agents).

You spend another thirty minutes with your arms straight over your head, which creates a huge range of motion in your shoulders and is pretty much the most unbearable part of class. Look at Barry Zito’s nasty curveball for proof of the effectiveness of such a stretch.

In between the postures, you have to stand completely still while looking in the mirror at the front of the room, not even fidgeting to wipe sweat off your face or adjust your shorts. This kind of unwavering focus will prove to be vital to Tom Brady, who must stoically ignore obnoxious comments from New Yorkers for nine more months.

Maybe there will always be a stigma attached to yoga-enthusiast athletes, but trying it for yourself demistifies the experience. It’s not often that Jimmy Buffett is mistaken, but there’s room for yoga and piña coladas (and getting caught in the rain) to coexist together.