Four Years of Memorable New York City Moments

On the first day of his seminar, Writing Film Criticism this spring, Andrew Sarris, a longtime Columbia University professor and columnist for The New York Observer, gave his honest view of the craft in which he has made his living for over a half-century.

“Writing is hell,” the 79-year-old Sarris said, with deliberate emphasis on each syllable.

I happen to agree with Mr. Sarris’ assessment, and I believe that many other writers would do so as well. So, after four years of hard work writing for the Spectator, I refuse to reminisce through self-congratulatory prose about my hard, yet gratifying years with the paper, and I will not go into sentimental raptures about the unexpected virtues of athletics in school and society.

Instead, I’m going to write a list of shit I liked doing in New York City:

Basketball at Riverside Park
This is pickup ball in its truest form: ball-hogs, hard fouls, petty arguments, and crazy old men clogging the paint, telling you to “put your goddamn hands up on defense.”

Two years ago, I was playing five-on-five on the main court, and one of my teammates was a legitimate homeless man. I know he was, because the man, who was otherwise mute, told me so himself. He stalked the court with a crazy look in his eyes, a vulgar odor emanating from his dark hair, soiled clothes, and leather boots, and a sweet, sweet stroke from behind the arc. I fed him the ball constantly.

I wish I could say we won the game, but c’mon, homeless guy, haven’t you heard of boxing out?

World Cup 2006
If I was as creative at work that summer as I was in finding ways to get out of it to watch soccer and drink beer in the morning, I might have a job right now.

Superbowl XLII
Here’s a heartwarming story:
A few days prior to the Superbowl this year, my friends and I made an order from Dinosaur BBQ to get 100 wings, five pounds of beef brisket, a pound of potato salad, and a tray of macaroni and cheese. On Superbowl Sunday, after picking up the order, we realized that they had made a mistake and given us a bag with 50 wings, two racks of ribs, two large trays of macaroni and cheese, and two bottles of soda. When we called and informed them of their error, they promptly arrived with our original order, while allowing us to keep the food we had already received. What a great Superbowl that was.

Coed Intramural Softball Tournament 2008
My teammates and I trekked up to Baker Field on a Saturday morning a couple of weeks ago to play in what we believed would be a day-long softball tournament. But instead of playing, we sat there eating sunflower seeds, packing dip, and winning one forfeited game after another because none of the other teams showed up.

Finally, we walked down to Keenan’s Piano Lounge on 204th Street to drink a few pitchers of beer, take a couple of shots, and eat some sandwiches. When we got back to Baker Field at 4 p.m., we found that we were in the championship game, and we lost handily to Craig Hormann’s team. But, hey, second place isn’t so bad.

Renting bicycles at Hudson River Park
The first time I rented a bicycle from Bike and Roll at Pier 84, the attendant behind the desk casually informed me that the very bike I was about to mount had been ridden by Tom Cruise in a photo shoot earlier that morning. “Tom Cruise?” I asked. “Level OT-VII Scientologist and first ever winner of the International Association of Scientologists Freedom Medal of Valor??”

“Yes,” the attendant replied.

I was delighted.

Intermediate/advanced soccer class
I took this class my freshman year, and it was so fun, I signed up for it again the following semester. But I found that I couldn’t get up at noon on Fridays anymore, so I stopped going. But I got credit for it anyway. So I signed up for it again. And then I got credit again. That was a pretty good way to complete my physical education requirement, I guess.

Sitting a few rows behind a group of Sports Illustrated swimsuit models at Madison Square Garden
The Knicks were nearly impossible to watch this year. But at this particular game, I did not have to.

Andrew Keh is a Columbia College senior majoring in history. Sports@columbiaspectator.com.