There Are Hoes Aplenty on This TV Farm

“I need something sexy, flashy ... Kind of farmer-y,” Josie tells a sales clerk. Along with nine other young women, Josie has agreed to compete on Farmer Wants a Wife, a new CW reality show premiering tonight that sends 10 city girls to rural Missouri to vie for the affections of Matt, a strapping farmer in search of true love. Josie’s quote embodies the general attitude of the contestants: confident, excited, and completely disillusioned about what farm life entails. These women, arriving in heels and mini dresses, seem startled and uncomfortable away from a buzzing metropolis. As one contestant aptly states after arriving in Portage Des Sioux, Matt’s hometown, “I was like, oh my God, this is the country.”

Farmer Wants a Wife, like its dating show predecessors Flavor of Love and A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, banks on the dim-witted antics of its contestants to please viewers. While the women do make “interesting” comments, the actual action of the show is trifling. The contestants’ first challenge is to coop chickens. One, Stephanie, responds, “I’m afraid of them, like, pecking my eyes out. You know because I want to see, like, and I like seeing things and like, I definitely need my eyes.” Although contenders’ comments are amusing, with its campy challenges, the show seems less like a competition and more like a petting zoo filled with bimbos.

Farmer Wants a Wife thrives off of stereotypes. Matt and the townsfolk of Portage Des Sioux are a simple and kind people—they help each other, they work in family businesses, and they decorate their homes in floral and plaid. The contestants, on the other hand, are lost without city convenience or their designer handbags. This initial gag of the clueless women may not be enough to propel the show through an entire season.

Even so, Farmer Wants a Wife has potential. The casting director has perfectly thrown together women with personalities that are bound to clash, including naïve, sweet Brooke, fiercely competitive Kanisha, and cynical tomboy Christa. But the most intriguing character is Josie, who describes herself as a “Playboy cybergirl and aspiring actress.” Josie, complete with a washed-out blonde dye job and persistently smeared makeup, smacks of a paunchy Courtney Love. Loud and lurid, she surprises and annoys all the other women in the house, and promises to be that contestant the audience loves to hate—that’s even how the CW is advertising her on promos for the show.

For all its faults, Farmer Wants a Wife is entertaining. It occupies a fictitious but inviting world where beauty is valued over intelligence, where it’s possible to find true love in 10 episodes, and where someone’s worth is judged by their ability to drive a tractor. Even if you aren’t usually a fan of reality dating shows, you might be pleasantly surprised by this one. It’s like Stephanie and the chicken cooping challenge. As she succinctly said, “It’s not my style, but I’m willing to give it a try. Like, definitely not my style... but I’d like to give it a try.”