Bleeding Hearts

Unlike many single people, I enjoy Valentine's Day. It warms my grumbling heart when I see folks going out and appreciating whatever sort of relationship they have.

If you're not in any relationships and are a misanthrope, hey, at least it's a great excuse to get drunk on a weekday.

But for some people, Valentine's Day is another bad day among many. Maybe it's the winter. Maybe they've got memories of bad relationships or are still in one.

Maybe it's something they can't even put their finger on. But I suspect that, for them, this Valentine's Day might not be the happiest of all occasions. There's a possible way to help that out-talk to someone.

"Right, Charlie, you've flipped your lid," you now undoubtedly are saying, uncapping your pen to do the Sudoku and putting this miserable little column behind you. "What's 'unhappy' mean to you? Aren't we all overstressed, overtired, and overcaffeinated? And who is 'someone?'" All good points, but don't flip to the Sudoku just yet. Everyone endures some emotional strain, even the folks that show up to lectures smelling suspiciously like Febreze. How do you determine when it's "bad enough?"

That's entirely on you. You're right to think that not every frustrating day or depressing thought is a symptom of some deep underlying issue, but if you keep feeling badly and don't know why, a good solution might just be, yes, telling

someone.

Why aren't we doing that already? In some cases, it's a fear of crying wolf: "I feel lousy, but I don't think I'm so lousy that I need to burden someone else with my issues." The fact remains, you're still feeling lousy. Something as simple as chatting with a friend online about that damn essay, or whatever else, might be a good way of figuring out why.

At other times, there's a fear that the solution might be worse than the problem. This past summer, I started having nasty panic attacks. My hands would start shaking, my heart would start pounding, I'd break into a sweat and feel an urge to get out, whatever that meant. Finally, I went ahead and saw a primary care doctor about it, fearing an instant prescription for some serotonin-slathered horse pill and a lifetime of couch visits to discuss my "feelings."

To my surprise, not only did I walk out of both that and the subsequent visit to a psychiatrist without a prescription, but I felt better. Having to explain what it is that's bothering you often makes a solution, or at least a way forward, much more apparent. I said I wanted to get better and didn't want to have to take pills if they weren't necessary.

I haven't had an attack in ages, and the doctors recommended great strategies to keep me functioning as if nothing were wrong if I suffer another.

"Very touching, Chuck," you now say, wondering where that "7" goes in your Sudoku. "Grumbling Republican overcomes disabling panic, wins World Series, solves global warming, sounds like a great TV movie. What about the rest of us?" It is really a case of an individual's specific issues and solutions, which brings us to who "someone" is.

To quote Drs. Gilbert and Sullivan, let the

punishment fit the crime. If you've had a bad day, maybe commiserating with a friend who asks good questions will make you feel better. If you're skipping classes and club meetings to sit around whistling Dixie in a minor key, it might be a good idea to just check in with Counseling and Psychological Services. Go Ask Alice! (goaskalice.columbia.edu) has a battery of emotional health jargon that'll at least convince you that your situation is not unique, while also informing you about what symptoms of a greater issue you should be keeping an eye out for.

Counseling often has a long wait time because, as previously stated, a lot of folks can feel down about something for sundry reasons. It might just be best to check in with your primary care provider over at John Jay, or your physician wherever you are now, who can at least refer you elsewhere if you need something right away. Often the act of saying, "I feel stressed," or "I feel down," or "I feel worthless" can trigger the inevitable "why?" in a way you might find helpful. And no one is going to force a treatment on you that you don't want.

Maybe there really is a deep underlying cause, and you should never rule out medicine, especially if the underlying reasons don't present themselves by just modifying your behavior. But your options are always open.

I know, I know. This is the garbage they tell you at the orientation events you didn't go to. I'm no shrink, and I'm not a pre-med. I don't even watch Grey's Anatomy. A simple command like "talk to someone," on this printed page from a stranger, seems like so little, but honestly, even something as seemingly minuscule as talking can do you a world of good. It's not worth feeling miserable if you don't have to. And look, maybe this