Instruction for Shear Madness: Cut it All Off

Whoever wrote the clever tagline for Bravo's newest reality competition should be promoted. The show, Shear Genius, is a contest for hair stylists. The tagline-brace yourself-is "Lather. Rinse. Compete." That is sheer genius. Shear Genius, though, would be more appropriately titled Utter Tedium.

What went wrong? For three years, Bravo has been lauded-and rightfully so-for airing reality contests that feature contestants who are truly talented. Designers on Project Runway conceive of and sew an entire outfit in only one day! Top Chef's aspiring Emerils create complex meals in mere hours! Moreover, these shows have featured big, recognizable names in their respective fields as judges and hosts-Michael Kors for Runway, Todd Oldham for recent hit Top Design. This gave them a sense of credibility and professionalism that network reality shows generally lack-does anyone actually believe that America's Next Top Model's Nigel Barker is a "noted fashion photographer"?

Bravo has attempted to recycle this same winning formula for Shear Genius-even its credit sequence, which consists of the contestants striking poses in a white room as bland techno music plays in the background, will be familiar to fans of other reality offerings on Bravo. Unfortunately for the network, the "art" of hair cutting and styling simply does not fit the format. It doesn't seem unreasonable or amazing that these stylists manage to create a coiffure in two hours-can't you get a new 'do at Fantastic Sams in 15 minutes? Additionally, although Shear Genius's panel of judges might be well-known in the hair world-lead judge Sally Hershberger is apparently "one of the most influential and sought after hairstylists in Hollywood and New York," famous for creating Meg Ryan's shag haircut-it's likely that nobody outside of the salon has any idea who they are.

There's another enormous problem with Shear Genius-watching one person cutting hair is not exciting. Watching 12 people cut hair for an hour is less interesting still. The show's producers try to get around this by making challenges as ridiculous as possible. In the first episode, the competitors create "hair art" by shopping for props at Michael's arts and crafts supply store and finding innovative ways to stick them atop the heads of apprehensive models. It appears as though the show's creators also have tried to compensate for the innate monotony of hairdressing by finding contestants who say the darndest things-hairdresser Daisy explains the first challenge by saying, "This is expressing yourself and creating a vision and using somebody's head as a canvas." Her colleague Dr. Boogie helpfully elaborates, "This is like hair you'd see at a hair show."

The stylists-and, by extension, the show itself-might come across more favorably if they didn't take themselves so seriously. Lacey, one of the youngest hair artists on the show, believes her biggest strength as a hair stylist "would be just looking at something and being able to make it into a haircut. Like, a tree, and trying to think how that could become a haircut." Then again, some of the competitors have so much bravado that every word they speak is delightfully and entertainingly pompous. This is certainly the case with Paul-Jean, who sports a French accent that may or may not be authentic. In episode one, he lets loose memorable quips like: "I am a commercial hairdresser. I know how to cut hair. I know how to style hair. I am not somebody who shops at Michael's," and, "I am success." His presence can't make up for the rest of them, though.

It is clear that someone must stop Bravo before it's too late. Variety reports that after Shear Genius, the network will be premiering yet another insipid, televised competition, this time a contest for photographers called Money Shot. Anyone interested in a Bravo show about salons might want to consider renting DVDs of the critically well-received 2004 series Blow Out, which chronicled the trials and tribulations of hairdresser-to-the-stars Jonathan Antin. If you have not been deterred from giving Shear Genius a shot, though, be forewarned: Paul-Jean sums things up quite nicely when he says: "I don't think anybody would walk into a salon asking for any of what you saw today. But those were the rules. That was the game."