Only the Underdog Can Keep This Furry Reality Show Afloat

Dear CBS: please don’t vote Tillman off the island. The skateboarding English Bulldog is practically the only thing that’ll salvage ratings for Greatest American Dog. Your latest reality show gimmick is like any other—bring a dozen strangers together and let them duke it out for the 250k. The difference here is that you’ve allowed the members of this drama-laden cast to bring their best friends, and being of the canine variety, these loveable pooches are hailed as the stars of the show.

But really, CBS, Tillman should get top dog billing. Your cameras love him, and I know I’m not the only one who couldn’t resist his laborious efforts to get onto the block during doggie musical chairs. Sure, some of the other contestants are OK—in fact, I’ve taken a particular liking to Laura and Preston, her purebred Pomeranian who understands over 100 words and phrases. And Star, a purebred Brittany, is also endearing. He’s helped owner Bill deal with his wife’s diabetes, and the senior and his playful pup seem to be having a genuinely good time on the show. But the rest of them—they’re just in it for their own 15 minutes of fame much like any other blue-blooded reality show contestant.

An aspiring comedian from L.A., Michael, clearly thought this doggie parade was his chance to shine. But I guess you showed him, CBS, as Michael and his beloved Boston Terrier, Ezzie, were the first pair sent home after their doggie-disco talent presentation. Geared to showcase basic skills, the challenge portion was probably marginally offensive to the good people over at the ASPCA. And forget it, members of the Westminster Kennel Club were already throwing kibble at their television screens by this point in the premiere.

I mean, did you really think that a Fantasia-inspired dog park filled with fire hydrant topiaries would get viewers to sit and stay? Canine Academy will be lucky to keep its doors open long enough for David and Elvis to get out of the dog house. I can’t help but consider all of the time and money wasted on making doggie beds fit for kings and Chihauhau-sized cheerleading attire, when we all know who’s going to win. J.D. is a professional dog-entertainer, and he owns ten dogs. He’s brought his English Pointer and Border Collie mix, Galaxy, to Greatest American Dog, and the two already have a lock on the Dog Bone Suite. Hmm, do I smell success in their future?

Call me crazy, but I’m still rooting for the Bulldog. Tillman, a self-starter, taught himself to skateboard at 7 months, while his owner, a self-proclaimed beach bum, occasionally takes a gig with a construction firm—a true down-to-earth duo if there ever was one. This Thursday’s episode focuses on obedience, and the preview shows plates of food on golden platters. I know it’s going to be a tough challenge for Tillman—the 60-pounder’ll be licking his chops. But CBS, do us all a favor and let ringer, J.D. and his knockout pooch, Galaxy, send the all the dogs besides Tillman packing.