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Dear Grandma,

This week’s issue is the product of a fantastic process. Like all our schoolwork, we got it done on time (we didn’t even procrastinate on April Fools’!) withoutsacrificing sleep or well-being to get it made.

In this week’s lead, we investigate the inner workings of the World Shadow Government. After months of tireless reporting, Eye contributor David Icke confidently confirms that Lizard People are, in fact, real. All his evidence may be circumstantial/fabricated, but that doesn’t make the claims any less real.

We also have a podcast called The Tongue that looks at that one time Trump sent a carrier pigeon to The Federalist.

Next up, Harrison Ford writes a poignant View From Here about his plane crash. Opening up, he reflects on his journey of realizing that, in fact, he isn’t actually Han Solo and that acting is a thing he does for work.

We also have a feature about a group of computer science students who’ve taken an interest in reading. They discover that Columbia ID cards can be used to actually remove books from campus libraries.

In her investigative feature, new Eye writer Caity Weaver investigates the Legends of the Mediterranean. In exclusive interviews with notjust Odysseus, but also Aeneas, she closely considers whether or not the Trojan Horse deserved to be as iconic as it ended up being.

Finally, we invite Moana actress Auli'i Cravalho to write about Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, his tattoos, and whether or not they actually move in real life. (They do.)

***

We hope you have a great week and know that not a word in this letter has been true. (Except the bit where we hope you have a great week. We love you, Grandma, don’t worry.)

Jokes aside, Alex McNab has written a poignant piece about what it’s like to be a black student at Columbia—black at a heavily white institution, bordering a heavily black neighborhood. He pulls apart the diversity of the black student experience.

Madeleine Larson examines birth control on campus in the age of Trump—nationwide, interest in IUD implants has skyrocketed. We take a look at how that urgency has manifested itself on campus.

And in this week’s actual lead, Larson Holt examines why the undergraduate student councils have struggled to accomplish what they set out to do at the beginning of the year.

Everyone always waits until April 1 to crack jokes and confuse people, but we thought we’d get a head start.

Always with love,

Ana, Parth, and Rébecca

letter from the editors april fools all a lie
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