When Bollinger stands with hair flapping Your grandparents all will be napping We'll sit there in rows And stare at our toes When suddenly there will be clapping. That's the sound of your real life arriving The culmination of undergrad striving Throw your Red Bull away Today is the day! That no more all-nighters need your surviving. No more tests, no more greeting the dawns Feeling shunted like somebody's pawns This school can be taxing Now there'll be relaxing, In the real world you can sit on the lawns! Throw a party, no school to say "NO" Someone might steal all your stuff though, In full naiveté You'll call Public Safety Sorry, but they're not going to show. No more will you snooze in your lecture With a prof rambling 'bout his conjectures Knowing full well That the midterm as well Requires only weak mental gestures. But won't you miss getting invited To see leaders universally spited? While protests insist That we're all communists We all feel First Amendment enlightened. Don't forget all the fun that you've had Spending money from Mommy and Dad Someone's theater debut Sandwiches from 212 Maybe a fifth year would not be so bad... Didn't hear? Are you out of the loop? Sorry kid, you've got to fly the coop Four years they fawn But then they want you gone To make room for the next year's group. Perhaps you've gotten a job YouTube taping the latest flash mob It doesn't pay well But oh, what the hell Who wants to be a desk-sitting blob? Many here will teach English abroad And frankly the rest are all awed Now you make your bread Just from something you said To booze with the occasional maraud. For those returning to parents' free couches Normally you'd be called louses But with no new jobs coming It seems not quite bumming To slink back to suburbanite houses. Or "onward to grad school!" you say The life of the mind is your way We hate to sound bitter But these days, schools don't tenure And deep thoughts will be all you're paid. You'll forget the old sacrilege The one few dare acknowledge Where everyone cared Only I don't, I swear If you're Barnard or Columbia College. Don't worry too much about May It'll come just like every day Enough with nail biting Finish your thesis writing Or frolic, 'cause Spring's on its way! *with deepest apologies to Lorca Sarah Leonard is a Columbia College senior majoring in history. Kate Redburn is a Columbia College senior majoring in history and African studies. Shock and Awe runs alternate Mondays.
Columbia Spectator Staff