JAKE NOVAK

Why do I do this?

Let me be the first non-Columbia employee, official alumni committee member, or hanger-on to officially welcome Peter Pilling, our newly appointed athletics director, to the University. I wish him luck. But I'd also like to offer Mr. Pilling three pieces of advice that he needs to know, now.

To the editor,

Five years doesn't exactly sound like a long time to most people, unless we're talking about a prison sentence or the amount of time Mama Mia! is likely to run on Broadway. But for most of you reading this, five years is definitely a significant period in your lives. Consider this: five years ago, the eldest among you were in the 11th grade; the youngest of you were in eighth grade; "Lewinsky" was the best one-word punch line in America; George W. Bush was still just the Governor of Texas (but actually already was the best three-word punch line in America); and a year's worth of Columbia University's top-notch education, room and board could all be had for a paltry $30,000.