Venice Ohleyer

Following what she was told would be a momentous marker in her journey to womanhood, Alice Wilson, CC ’21, left the polling station on Tuesday, November 3, feeling unsatisfied.

After careful thought and consideration, Jessica Grant, CC ’22, decided to turn off her video, permanently, in real life.

Just one day after the Columbia Tree Lighting, student Caitlyn Lee has already begun a downward spiral.

Local student Ben Morris was reportedly caught off guard when in the midst of a hookup with his girlfriend, Jessica Anderson, she stopped to define the concept of “beginner’s mind.”

In what can only be referred to as a local tragedy, Columbia student Thomas Mayer camped out in the stacks for 72 hours and no one hooked up with him.

Unbeknownst to you, the man sitting next to you in the Hungarian Pastry Shop the other day was, in fact, writing a character based on you for his MFA creative writing thesis.

In what comes as a surprise to his friends and family, Westchester native Ethan O’Malley has decided to observe a strict halal diet.

After purchasing a reusable metal straw and using it once in the Milstein Center for Teaching and Learning, Jessica Levy has been absolved of all sin—past, present, and future.