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Here I am, on another lousy date. Midway through, I re-downloaded a dating app and started swiping on people under the table. This seemed like a “good match” when I met him in Human Nature and Evolutionary Biology, but I really couldn’t be more bored than I am right now. So it’s back to scanning, swiping, and sorting. I get a few matches, and they all fall into the same essential categories: terrifying and not terrifying. How have people figured out so many gross ways to tell you that they just want to hook up?

So I sift through the non-terrifying ones. Some of them are dead ends, boring conversations, unreturned messages. I ask what they’re studying and they respond days later, or we hit a great stride, but someone gets busy and it tapers off. One chat ends in a date, but I get there and I’m nervous, and he’s visibly bored. I even catch him swiping through a different dating app under the table. Glad to see he’s playing the field!, I think. I have to do something different, something bold to get myself out of this cycle.

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