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Courtesy of Barnard College

Seniors, it's the beginning of the end! Before it's too late, how many of these 50 Columbia traditions have you actually done? Be sure to plan your semester accordingly!

Sang “Roar Lion Roar” during NSOP.

Had sexual intercourse in the Butler stacks, or in general.

Hooked up with someone, only to learn that they’re your TA’s uncle.

Posted a serious article on Facebook just to seem sensitive and informed.

Gone to Chipotle and paid the extra $2.30 for guacamole.

Joined a union.

Nationalized the means of production.

Said “We should totally get coffee!” and deleted your Facebook and removed your UNI from LionMail so they couldn’t follow up on it.

Referred to President Lee C. Bollinger by the playful nickname “PrezBo.”

Struggled to explain social constructs to your mom.

Struggled to explain to your mom what a “social construct” is.

Dropped a class because the classroom looked too much like your high school.

Got high with a little help from your friends.

Gotten turned on by a reading, whether it be an anatomy textbook, Victorian novel, or a history paper about sexual repression in a bygone era.

Voted for/in/against something.

Questioned your religious beliefs and subsequently resent your parents for raising you in a cult.

Copy edited and fact-checked your Facebook statuses.

Pretended to be asleep because you didn’t feel like talking to your suitemates.

Pretended to be asleep so you couldn’t sign him out of your Barnard dorm so he has to cuddle (movie pitch: “Cuddle Hostages”).

Volunteered with Community Impact.

Gone to the Varsity Show.

Gone to Orgo Night.

Got through a literature class by exclusively reading the SparkNotes, watching the movie adaptations, or just plagiarizing.

Gone a whole week by exclusively eating free food from club meetings, bagels from Absolute’s garbage bags, or pages from St. Augustine’s “City of God.” #core 

Started a CC-inspired cover band called W.E.B. DuBois II Men. 

Gone to Tom’s and pretended to be in Jerry Seinfeld’s famous work “Bee Movie.”

Got coffee in a car with a comedian.

Sat on Alma’s lap and told her what you want for Christmas.

Logged into LionShare and decided to go to grad school instead.

Commented on a campus publication, “This sucks.” 

Submitted a Columbia Admirers for yourself just to see who would like it.

Wondered what Maria of Westside’s Maria’s Homemade looks like.

Got a Fake ID that says you’re over 21 and famous actor John Leguizamo.

Made a joke comparing the housing lottery to the famous short story “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson and/or “The Hunger Games.”

Ate cheese on a Tuesday.

Pulled an all-nighter because you were writing a paper.

Pulled an all-nighter because you struggle with insomnia (not the cookies).

Ordered Insomnia Cookies.

Ran into Cornel West near Union and said “I loved your 30 Rock cameo!”

Put in your UNI email address when claiming a coupon to feel fancy.

Wrote a paper and contemplated whether or not you believe your own bullshit.

Contemplated becoming a professor because it seems like an awesome lifestyle and you get to wear cool sweaters.

Got Warby Parker glasses even though you have 20/20 vision.

Have the Hamilton elevator suddenly turn into Disneyland’s “Tower of Terror” ride, and felt relieved now that it’s going faster.

CAVA’ed yourself because the student volunteers are cute and pre-med and your mother is Jewish

Emailed a professor but forget to include the attachment.

Got your name totally misspelled at Starbucks because your name is actually in hieroglyphics.

Broadened your Tinder radius to include Edgewater, New Jersey.

Gone to 1020 and thought the line was more fun than the actual bar.

Gone to 1020 just to watch a movie.

traditions orgo night the varsity show marxism prezbo
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