NSOP naughty or NSOP nice? It's all we wanted to know. Orientation seems like eons ago now. Some of you lived up to the model-citizen persona that your Common App boasted. Others tried to assimilate into Columbia via old-time traditions. (e.g. making that booze induced, 2 a.m. walk of shame to Koronet.)
We get it. We all look back on our orientations with a cringe and unfavorable memory of doing the wave to Linkin Park at the Community Forum. Sins were committed. Dastardly deeds executed. And now Spectrum is here to (anonymously) reveal the best confessions from NSOP 2016.
Okay, no need to brag. We get it. You got laid.
…communal bathrooms are worse than the great outdoors?
Guess you've got to get in your daily dose of cardio somehow.
You animal! How dare you do school work before classes even started?
Those darn Bostonian (sorry, Cambridgian), nuclear reactor-possessing rat bastards. Thank goodness you didn't go off with them; we much prefer you here.
"Oh, you go to school in Boston?"
That'll make for some pretty awkward midnight kitchen run-ins moving forward.
You should petition for a partial refund on your housing, though Columbia may not consider your case to be one hundred percent legit.
Well, not lol for that poor sap.
When everyone else seems to be at the big kids' table.
But in all seriousness, we feel you, anon. Can you believe these ~wild 'n free~ kiddos nowadays?
Ok but how can you have a foursome "accidentally?"
I mean, seven nights of John Jay mozzarella sticks will do that to you. Also, paruresis is a real thing.
Why were supposedly "taken" guys hooking up with you?!?
Your bedhead + you = Forever alone.
So there you have it. Tone it down a bit now that you actually have "not failing your classes" to worry about, but always keep some room in your life for spontaneous shenanigans. Doctor's (well, blog's) orders.
Spectrum does a whole bunch of competitions. Some reward you with monetary prizes; other reward you fame and glory. See if you were one of the best dressed Columbians, or had the best dorm decor, and keep checking back for future contests.
Veronica Grace Taleon is Spectrum's deputy editor and a rising Barnard sophomore majoring in political science. She feels slightly grandmotherly reading all of these confessions, as she spent her NSOP being the founder, president, and sole member of the "Let's Watch Jeopardy" Club. Reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Disclaimer: Responses have been edited for clarity.