It's Saturday night and your a cappella group/chess club/favorite student blog is ready to get down. Your lip gloss is poppin' and your whole suite has given your outfit the stamp of approval. It's time to paint the (EC) town(house) red!
If your ID reads bold, beautiful Barnard or old, dutiful GS, there's yet one more step in your endeavor: getting signed in.
Such a feat may seem simple enough when you're visiting a friend at quiet, less-turnt Schapiro. Heck, it was still pretty easy to get into Carman. The East Campus line, however, is a whole other beast. Here are some of our suggestions for how to make that line go by in no time:
First-Year Seminar waits for no Barnard Bear. Get a head start on everyone else and read the whole Homeric Hymn to Demeter. Maybe you can even write a comparative paper on how being stuck in the EC sign-in line is analogous to Persephone being stuck in the Underworld. Actually, please write this paper (and don't forget to cite us). GS-ers can read this as well; it'll give you conversation fodder with the 'Nard girls—sorry, women.
You've heard of the 10-minute manicure. How about the "Oh god, there's 10 million people ahead of me" manicure? Just choose a shade that looks good with your outfit and you're golden. Best-case scenario, the fumes will even scare some people out of line. It's a win-win.
In fact, if you're getting your nails ready, why not pregame and get ready in the line with your pals? You'll get through a Pregame Playlist and be able to curate a whole outfit by the time you get to the access attendant.
As you watch CC/SEAS student after CC/SEAS student swipe in as you languish in line, you may be filled with self-righteous anger. Channel it into something productive.
Haven't had a free moment lately to think about the corporatization of higher education? What about how we're not really doing anything to address climate change? (#deepthoughts) Now's your chance. You'll probably be published in a Spec Op-Ed by the time you reach the front of the line.
GS is filled with so many cool and interesting students, many of whom are "Real Adults™." Do they deserve to be stuck in this line just so they can have a nice wine night with their literary society? The injustice—of course they do not! Channel your GS ~creativity~ into making a sitcom about how you're too old/respectable for this nonsense. It'll be must-watch TV before you even arrive at the EC elevator.
Godspeed, my fellow EC line compatriots. Use this thought to get you through the storm: Once you get up there, you're allowed to take as many skyline Snapchats as you want. In fact, send some to us @CUspectrum. You've earned it!
Just don't think about the line for getting your IDs back—it ain't pretty—and you'll have a blast.
Are you, as DJ Khaled would say, up to something in the EC line? Comment down below, Tweet us, or Snapchat us @CUspectrum.
Juliana Kaplan is a Barnard sophomore and a Spectrum staff writer. You can catch her reading Infinite Jest in the EC line because she's actively trying to be the worst. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org or @julianamkaplan.
All gifs courtesy of giphy.com.