Sex and Life
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Being single at Columbia is hard. We all have friends who are still dating their high school sweethearts, get hit on every time at Mel’s, and receive roses for Valentine’s. We’ve all been there, suffering alone while witnessing couples canoodling at Butler, wondering why that couldn’t be us.

But we have good news! Being single on this campus is more common than you think. To help you out, two Spectrum trainees, Grace and Naina, braved the crowds of peak-dinner-hour Ferris to conduct a pop survey identifying the myths and monoliths about being single at Columbia. They asked fellow students to describe being single in six words or fewer and collected their responses—read on for the unofficial single guide.

The Feminist Ones:

“Honestly, girl power.”—Sofia, CC ’21

“I’d say self love.” —Hannah, CC ’21

“Men ain’t shit!”—Joanna, BC ’21

“Men are trash. Men are trash.”—Anonymous female student, BC ’21

“Men may not be human. Unconfirmed.”—Karina, CC ’21

The Single-Life-is-the-Best-Life Ones:

“Fun, independent, carefree.”—Rima, CC ’20

“Freedom!”—Naomi, CC ’19

“I’m happier alone.”—Anonymous female student, BC ’18

“I’m too busy to date anyone.”—Heather, CC ’21

“Normal life. It’s fine. I’m happy.”—Anonymous Female, CC ’20

“Able to focus.”—Christian, SEAS ’19

The Go-With-the-Flow Ones:

“YOLO! And I really want to be happy.”—Oliver, SEAS ’21

“I’d say it’s pretty chill.”—Ciara, CC ’21

“I do everything for the boys.”—Mahir, CC ’21

“It’s really not that bad.”—Lila, BC ’21

The Cuff-Me-Already Ones:

“Social campus. I’m looking for someone.”—Anonymous male student, CC ’21

“I’m out here!”—Camryn, CC ’21

The Hook-Up Culture Ones:

“Hook-up culture. Too much gossip.”—Michael, CC ’19

“Dating is challenging. Communication lacks. Fearful. Hook-ups!.”—Anonymous male student, CC ’18

“There are too many sad bois.”—Cayla, CC ’21

“Uhhh… Dating is not really a thing.”—A.M.B, CC ’18

“Do people actually do this here?”—Jack, GS ’19

“Fun and exciting.”—Argen, CC ’18

“1020 is a war zone. Lovers beware.”—Anderson, CC ’19

The Sad-Bois

“I’ve been single for 3 days so…”—Claire, BC ’21

“It’s mundane. It’s a drag. Lonely.”—Maya, BC ’21

“Difficult. No options. Not woke. Boat shoes/salmon pants.”—Anonymous female student, BC ’20

“Probably be forever alone.”—Anonymous male student, CC ’20

“Frustrating. Incomprehensible. Outdated. Unreadable. Weirdly inconsistent.”—Mike, GS ’20

Get to know our team:

“So many hotties, such little time.”—Naina, BC ’21

“None of the boys/fetuses are good enough.”—Tian, BC ’21

“Exciting at times, but ultimately disappointing.”—Peyton, BC ’21

“Honestly easier than non-single life.”—Maddie, GS ’18

“It’s equally exciting and depressingly inevitable.”—Sydney, BC ’20

“Single at parties, cuffed at heart.”—Grace, CC ’21

“Only love my bed and mama.”—Marco, CC ’21

“It’s too stressful to deal with.”—Rachel, BC ’21

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