Here I am, on another lousy date. Midway through, I re-downloaded a dating app and started swiping on people under the table. This seemed like a “good match” when I met him in Human Nature and Evolutionary Biology, but I really couldn’t be more bored than I am right now. So it’s back to scanning, swiping, and sorting. I get a few matches, and they all fall into the same essential categories: terrifying and not terrifying. How have people figured out so many gross ways to tell you that they just want to hook up?

So I sift through the non-terrifying ones. Some of them are dead ends, boring conversations, unreturned messages. I ask what they’re studying and they respond days later, or we hit a great stride, but someone gets busy and it tapers off. One chat ends in a date, but I get there and I’m nervous, and he’s visibly bored. I even catch him swiping through a different dating app under the table. Glad to see he’s playing the field!, I think. I have to do something different, something bold to get myself out of this cycle.

I keep thinking about what I’m doing wrong, but maybe I’m too obsessed with being somebody’s “ideal.” Dating shouldn’t mean that I have to fit into everyone else’s criteria. People around me are really goal-oriented about their dating, but that stresses me out too much and it’s not my style.

The thing is, dates are just like anything else. Has every party I’ve been to been the best one ever? Some dates are going to be duds, and some are going to be a great time. The more I date, the more comfortable I’ll be with dating, and the more I’ll know what to look for in a potential significant other.

Dating is supposed to be about living in the moment. I want to enjoy myself, without worrying that what “should” happen afterwards. Through Pickable, I can spontaneously find people to enjoy my dinner with, and I don’t don’t experience pressure the way I immediately did on other previous dates. It’s a dating app that knows dating should be fun, easy, and stress-free. For now, I’m happy to enjoy dates and moments as they happen, without keeping “musts” or “shoulds” in my mind.

But I know that dating is not as simple as what I feel and what I believe. Dating apps can be dangerous and we’ve all heard the horror stories. I like that I can stay anonymous on the Pickable app, and that my picture is only shown to the guys I match with. I know I won’t ever accidentally match with that one kid in my Calc class, or have my profile screenshotted and roasted in a group chat. I want to keep putting myself out there, but only for people who are looking for the same things I am.

A significant other is like an accessory to an outfit. They should complement you, but not complete you. I’ve learned that it is important to feel great while being in a relationship, and that there should never be too much dependence on one another. In dating, first and foremost, I’m going to remember that I am complete person, looking for somebody to have a great time with. I’m not going to let anybody make me feel small, or make me feel like dating is more serious than it is.

So maybe I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m putting myself out there, figuring out what I want, and enjoying the process. Dating isn’t scary and it isn’t just a stepping stone to the future. Yes, maybe traditional dating apps aren’t perfect, but the way that I’m putting myself out there has been beneficial to me and my confidence. Dating apps make other people more accessible than ever, and apps like Pickable make sure that finding a date is fun and easy. Their matching system is even gamified, so you can become the #1 dater in your area. I actually wouldn’t mind winning that award. So meet new people and enjoy dates as they happen. You’ll meet the “one” eventually, but for now have fun meeting all the other ones.