failure

Behind the powerful protest pictures, moving speeches, and glamorous social media posts, social justice work is actually hard. Without the right balance, social justice work can get downright ugly and result in sleepless nights, tension among organizers, anxiety from traumatic issues, and burn out. It is a give and take relationship, in which the work can easily take more than it gives.

Unless you've been living under a rock, or you're really good at procrastinating, then you probably know: it's mid-terms season (a.k.a when all you want is a break and your professors have the freedom to assign you a ton of essays and exams on the same day.)

The sun sets and rises on Morningside Heights. The air grows frigid and then warms again, the Journalism School reflecting squares of light on Butler Library's windows as you sit behind them. Then suddenly, there's only weeks left, days left. Four years on this campus behind you before you've quite grasped the time's passing.

To the editor,

I went to a "public" high school. It was a tuition-free school, but since property values for homes in the district skyrocketed, the vast majority of my graduating class was upper middle-class, and white or Asian. We had a brand of ambition that overpowered the need to eat properly, develop socially, and sleep. We were smart and talented in the way that school had conditioned us to be—obedient, except for the cheating rings; creative, but only in ways that were socially acceptable; willing to make a difference, but only in ways sanctioned by authority, never to challenge the system. We were confident. We were terrified.

Whether you want to gloat or mope, send us your thoughts on your recently acquired lottery number. We'll post the most dramatic responses (no names), so don't hold back on the fact that you had to buy yourself a consolation Pinkberry when you saw your number was upwards of 2,000.

This is it. This decision could make or break your life GPA. If you're in SEAS, today is the deadline to drop a class. If you're GS/CC/BC, today is the Pass/D/Fail deadline. So, how do you make the decision? What will decide your future? Here's a quick checklist to help you make your choice.more

Every semester I try to take something new and interesting. You know, to broaden my horizons. Each semester, my grades in each of these "out of my comfort zone" classes have gotten worse and worse. It's made me panic about my life, but it's also made me think. I was taking an accounting class with Webster. He gave us all the slides for the semester, his lectures were clear, the homeworks were very straightforward, and you could bring a cheat sheet to the tests. I managed to get a 10/10 on every homework. However, after missing a ton of class for the Jewish holidays, I bombed my first test. No matter, I thought, I could still do well in the class. If I did well on the next test, which I felt confident I would, then I could still pull through with a reasonable grade. So when the next test rolled around, I studied by brains out. I walked into the test feeling like I could take on the world. But midway through the test things started going south. My balance sheet and other calculations did not add up. In accounting, if you do one calculation wrong, the entire problem compounds on itself. more There were questions I simply didn't know the answer to and problems that tripped me up. As I walked out of the classroom, my heart was racing. "I failed. I failed. What the hell was that?" I felt so alone, so worthless, and most of all I felt stupid. I went for a run to clear my head. I remember that run so clearly. It was cold and drizzling. I cried as I ran. Those thoughts at that moment were the darkest I have ever had. My feeling of worthlessness was overwhelming. I spent the rest of the week overwhelmed with sadness and self pity. I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way. Even though we're at one of the best colleges in the U.S., feelings of worthlessness and failure are always in the wings, waiting only for the cue of a disastrous midterm to appear. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we let our GPA, our course load, or our academic pursuits define us? After that run, I realized that my dependence on numbers and letters needed to stop. I ended up getting a C+ in that class, the worst grade I have ever gotten. Yes, people, it happens, even at Columbia. I am not the only one, and YOU are not the only one. I learned an incredible amount from Accounting and Finance. I feel like a more knowledgeable person. And isn't that what being in a top liberal arts university is all about? We have strengths and we have weaknesses. We just need to remember that no matter what, we're still smart, we still love to learn new things, and our success won't be defined by our grades.