A squirrel’s body is roughly as heavy as a pair of shoes. I know this because there is a squirrel in a shoebox between my legs, and when I carried him in this shoebox to the car I am currently riding through northwest Washington, D.C., it felt almost as though I was carrying a pair of new shoes.

It is a known fact that Columbia University runs on coffee. Between the all-nighters in Butler and the late nights at 1020, we need that boost of energy to power us through the day.